Presentation by Steven Benvenisti
No matter where you are, whether in the city or out in the open, it can be hard to avoid alcohol-impaired drivers. There are thousands of people around the world who are being affected by it every day and many of them aren't lucky enough to get away with only minor injuries. But there is one way to put an end to this and it can start with you being knowledgeable about the consequences of alcohol-impaired driving and how this action affects everyone around us. If you are knowledgeable enough to educate other people about it, you will be able to make a huge difference, even if it means just saving one life.
There is an organization called Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) that promotes awareness and prevention of drunk driving, as well as advocating for victims of these incidents. They strongly believe that ordinary people can make a difference. Therefore, they continuously educate them about the dangers of alcohol-impaired driving and also guide them in making responsible choices in order to help reduce the loss of innocent lives. Their success is so commendable that many individuals, including Steven Benvenisti, became driven to join them to save lives.
Steven is very supportive of MADD. He was very much inspired by it that it became his motivation to practice law for all the victims of drunk driving. He is currently a personal injury attorney in one of the largest personal injury law firms at Davis, Saperstein & Salomon PC in Teaneck, New Jersey. As a matter of fact, he also became an inspiration to many victims to have hope and determination as he is also a victim himself.
If you want to learn more about him, then continue reading because in this feature, not only will he share how he is connected with MADD, but he will also share his story as a survivor and how it made him who he is today.
Steven is an author of a book called Spring Break: A True Story of Hope and Determination. His inspiration for this book actually came from his journey being a victim of a pedestrian crash. This tragedy happened to him when he was 21 years old and a senior at the College of New Jersey.
He was an outstanding student. He was in a fraternity, the college homecoming king, and the top student of a class at the College of New Jersey. His life was basically perfect but not until one night he was out with this friend on spring break. There were only six weeks left before graduation and he did not expect that his life was going to turn.
A drunk driver, who is a repeat offender, ran over him at over 50 miles per hour. “I was thrown 70 feet. I had horrific orthopedic injuries with both of his legs, lost a lot of blood, and was knocked into the deepest possible coma”, Steven added. He was also said to be in the lowest level of Glasgow Coma, which is the most extreme, high mortality rate. For that reason, he remained in the hospital for about half a year and underwent 15 surgeries.
After a few months, something unusual happened. He wound up having a recovery which is great but somewhat surprising because only a few people actually survive from this level of coma. He even said that “people on this level would be either in the state of being profoundly disabled or in a permanent condition with no cure”.
It is very clear that his experience was quite extreme. He went through a lot of extraordinary surgeries and paid hundreds of thousands of dollars in medical expenses, but he was still positive to move on with his life. He was also asked if he gets the chance to change whatever happened to him in the past, will he be willing to change it and live a different life? His response to that question is that he wouldn’t change a single thing because all his past experience is what brought him to where he is today.
“I'm in a very good place now. And I'm here with all of you. I am now connected with such amazing non-profit Mothers Against Drunk Driving.”
Steven is one living legacy. He wouldn’t want anyone to experience the pain that he experienced from this tragedy that is why he gives as much as he can to MADD to help prevent this from happening.
According to Steven, shaping his legacy was very hard to do alone. Sharing his experience with other people and educating them about the negative results of drunk driving isn’t an easy mission. “I'm the president of the board of the Brain Injury Alliance of New Jersey and physicians groups around the world. They contact me regularly so that I can share with them how it is that I had this unusual recovery”, he added.
That is why he is very glad to find an organization that has the same mission and has a strong hope for people to change for a better community. He said that he is very privileged to be part of it because it isn’t like any non-profit he has ever seen as it is something that really shows results. There are fewer crashes and there are lives being saved because of their increased volunteering and increased support.
He also said that the impact of seeing a loss of one life is just profound. He would even hear people say, “if you can just save one life, then it's worthwhile” and that is something to be really proud of. People thinking to take action just so they could save one life gives that one person a lot of hope and opportunity to continue to grow, have a family, or contribute to society.
“So to be a part of Mothers Against Drunk Driving, and the fact that there is supporting data that shows that our efforts at MADD have resulted in a direct impact on lives being saved and crashes being prevented in every single state is the biggest honor and legacy that I can be associated with.”
Steven, along with the RELAX teams members and all the viewers who are watching the live stream video, took a pledge on May 12th, 2022:
“That's the day that you took a bus to, we took a place, and if you're going to drink, you will not drive and take it a little bit further.”
“You're going to have so many experiences in your lives. We will be around someone who's made the decision to drink and they should not be driving.”
“Remember the promise, the pledge that you made May 12th, 2022, and stop them. It isn't going to be easy. And they may even be a little angry at you that night for trying to stop them from drinking and driving.”
“But that same person will be alive the next day saying “thank you for saving my life”. And just remember the inexplicable value of just one life being saved and the exponential benefit that comes from just that.”
One thing that Steven wants all the people to take away from this talk is to enjoy, live, and genuinely embrace every single moment in your life despite all the predicaments you have faced in the past. What matters right now is that you are very blessed that you are alive on this earth, breathing, and being able to contribute well to the community.
Steven Benvenisti is a Partner at the New Jersey and New York Law personal injury law firm of Davis, Saperstein & Salomon. He is of the less than 3% of attorneys in his state Certified by the Supreme Court of New Jersey as a Civil Trial Attorney. He is licensed to practice law in New Jersey & Pennsylvania.
Over 30 awards for his legal and volunteer work. The government has honored him with a: United States Official Proclamation and Congressional Citation, along with a U.S. House of Representatives Certificate of Special Congressional Recognition.
In his volunteer capacity, he is the co-chair of the Board of Directors of Mothers Against Drunk Driving NY/NJ/PA and formerly served 2 terms on the National Board of Directors of MADD. He is also the President of the Board of the Brain Injury Alliance of New Jersey and on the Board of Helen Hayes Hospital Foundation.
His specialties include Personal Injury Law and Nonprofit work and his ideal clients are victims of car crashes.
May 2022 Lunch and Learn Event Legacy
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Presentation by Tara Spohrer
A lot of people already know that driving while under the influence of alcohol isn't a good combination - however, despite the possible damage that it will cause their lives, many still do it even until this very day.
You might presume that the number of drunk driving crashes should be lower than before as we have been on lockdown for the last couple of years due to the spread of COVID-19. But unfortunately, according to NHTSA’s recent report, it is the complete opposite as the numbers have increased in 2020. Vehicle miles traveled decreased 11%, yet drunk driving fatalities increased 14% year-over-year.
“It’s the worst it's been since 2008, we are going backward in opposite directions. So the need is critical more so than ever.” - Tara Spohrer
The injuries and deaths that this has caused are very alarming but there is one way to put an end to this. Tara Spohrer, who is the Regional Development Director for Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) in New York, New Jersey, and Pennsylvania, talked about their organization and how they respond to drunk or drugged driving. Not only that, but she also gave an overview of the services that they provide for those individuals that need guidance and support after they have been victimized.
MADD is an active organization that has been running since the 1980s. Its mission is to help end drunk driving, fight drugged driving, support the victims of these violent crimes, and prevent underage drinking.
Tara also stated that the frontline of their mission is their wonderful community partners in law enforcement. They strongly work to support and engage with advocacy efforts and legislative efforts to make sure that they are moving the ball forward and not moving backward.
“We are a presence, we are a resource for the community, and we want people to know we're here and to reach out with anything that they need.”
Tara mentioned some of their “important pillars” or the services that help them solve the problems of drunk driving.
Their organization has victim services where they provide free support to any victims and survivors for as long as they need them. May it be one-on-one group support, court, or accompaniment. “We are here to advise, guide, and offer them support”, she added.
They also believe that education is very critical, thus, they give parents the opportunity to take part in research-based education programs so that they could gain the right knowledge about drunk driving and what may be its possible consequences. This will help them guide their children more into a safer future.
Moreover, they also have this program called Power of Parents where they provide parents tools and tips in order to help them create a meaningful discussion about the dangers and consequences of underage drinking with their child. This program is also one way to help their child make smarter and safer choices.
Another program that they have is Power of You(th). This is where children are given the opportunity to learn more about the dangers of underage drinking and marijuana use. They are also given tools for them to be able to resist peer pressure. This also gives them the empowerment to influence their peers to make the right choices.
Tara said that they offer corporate partnership opportunities where companies and organizations can earn points and recognition throughout the year for anything they do with them. These are some example activities that were mentioned:
MADD invites everyone to join their upcoming events in the following months. All information about their events will be stated on their website.
There are two things that we have to remember from this talk.
First, The Youth is the future as they have the willingness to learn and act on the good. Therefore, it is very important for the parents to start educating their children early regarding this matter. When children are knowledgeable about the negative effects of consuming drugs and alcohol, there is more they will do to avoid them.
“Youth is the future. I think we all have to be cognizant that we are helping, not just ourselves, but helping everybody around us. You can control what you do. You can't control what others do and the way to be able to mitigate that is to really be sure that you're aware of what you're doing.”
Second, it is true that actions speak louder than words. As Tara and Jeannie stated in this talk, it is better if you lead by example because when people see you doing good acts, it is more likely for them to also do so.
If there is someone you know that needs help and support, you can contact MADD’s national office helpline at 877-MADD-HELP (1-877-623-3435). Feel free to reach out to them anytime you need as they are always ready to take action 24/7.
May 2022 Lunch and Learn Event Legacy
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Presentation by Erin Myers
Record low mortgage rates have contributed to the increase in demand for housing. Buyers are looking for properties but the inventory couldn’t keep up with demand despite the pandemic. Why is finding a great realtor key in this hot market? How much demand is there in the rental market? Why buying and selling real estate can be a really stressful process?
Erin is a professional Realtor. Her goal is to make the buying, selling, or renting process as easy as possible for her clients. "The Erin Edge", as she promises all her clients, consists of a unique blend of skills, knowledge, and commitment that makes her your ideal real estate agent. She also does lease management and is very active in the rental market.
Erin shares her thoughts about the real estate market. She said the housing market right now wherever you are geographically, has been incredibly busy. It’s been a very active seller's market for a long time now coming through COVID and it still seems to be continuing. It's been tough for buyers because there are so many people jumping into the market, and a lot of new buyers trying to leverage the low-interest rates. As a result, it's been incredibly competitive to secure the housing needs of buyers. But things are starting to shift a little bit, we're seeing rates change and we're hoping that things will even out and slow down a little bit as we come into this year.
Erin mentioned that relationships are everything right now in the real estate business. Having the right professionals by your side would mean everything. She added that it’s important to have a trusted mortgage broker like Andrea and to get help from people who answer phone calls late at night, respond to texts quickly, are willing to take calls from listing agents when they are putting in offers, and have that tight-knit team around you. It's important in this market to be able to proceed with an offer with your team, knowing that everybody's there to support you and support that offer.
Erin does leasing management work for a developer and she noticed that the rental market is just as hot and busy as the buy and sell market right now. There are multiple applications in every apartment. They receive calls every day, multiple times a day, emails looking for availability. She manages a building and she sees it out there a lot. This trend is spanning most of Northern New Jersey.
A lot of people are showing interest in the rental market. Apartment buildings and garden apartments are going to be really high in demand. There's a lot of demand at least for people looking for single-family home rentals.
Buying and selling real estate in any market is a really stressful process. It's planning a move, finding a new place, it's selling something big. What you need to do is find a great agent and find your advocate. Somebody that's knowledgeable, somebody who knows the market and knows their local neighborhoods and can walk you through it and get you where you want to go and hopefully have a very seamless transaction. This can be a really stressful time in anybody's life when they're buying or selling real estate because it's a huge purchase, or it's a big sell. It's nice to know that they have somebody at their side who has the resources and the knowledge to walk them through that.
April 2022 Lunch and Learn Event Housing
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On April 2022 Lunch and Learn Event Housing, Relax Teams member Andrea Burroughs shared her knowledge and expertise on what to expect when looking for a home.
Presentation by Andrea Burroughs
There are so many buyers who aren’t ready to enter the market these days. They’re losing confidence and also getting discouraged by the rapid rising of prices, decreased number of homes for sale, and the increased interest rates.
However, Andrea Burroughs believes that now is still the best time to buy a home and these issues shouldn’t affect your buying decisions because these won’t get any better over time, especially in today’s current situation.
You might also think that this is too risky to do because you think you don’t have the ability to afford a home right now. But you don’t have to worry as there is always a solution to this. So if you want to learn more about it and get to know professional lenders and realtors that you can work with, then, continue reading.
Andrea Burroughs is part of a powerhouse team under Matt Keana at Guaranteed Rates located in Madison, New Jersey. Each of their members usually does work at their home offices, real estate offices, or where they can find a workspace. Their team happily works with realtors to do residential mortgage lending and first and second mortgages.
“Real estate is not easy to do in this market most especially because it's a 12-year commitment unless you are very lucky to get a house that you can flip” - Andrea Burroughs
For this feature, she wanted to focus on looking for a solution for buyers that are discouraged from the current housing market. For the last 12 months, there are many people who lost their buying power even though the rates are still exceptionally low. She also noticed that there are many people who are well-informed about the moving rates but she thinks that there are a lot more things that they don’t know that project the market.
“Even if you're looking at four and three-quarters of 5%, it's going to be higher on investment properties as always. That's the way that goes and there's a bigger risk for the bank for it.”
There are a lot of buyers these days that want to wait until the house prices will somewhat go down, which she believes is impossible to happen. “The only thing that's going to affect the pricing of the housing market is if inventory increases and it's not going to be enough”, she added. She also has already seen sites of places being cleared out and getting ready to put up new housing. That is why she highly encourages them to focus on finding a house while the inventory is still very low and purchase instead of focusing on the increased interest rates.
According to Andrea, “It is less expensive to buy than it is to rent”. So if you are someone who is renting a place for less than $1900, you can consider yourself lucky because the “average” mortgage these days is about $1500.
It cannot be denied that collecting money for rent is quite difficult so Andrea gave a solution for you. She said that Guaranteed Rate has online tools on their website that can help you overcome this problem. You can also work with Matt because he is someone who is really creative when it comes to helping people find what they can use for income. If you also have a problem where you do have not enough money to show and you just don't want to pay all the government taxes, that's where Matt also comes in. He can help you structure that and figure out how it's going to work.
In addition to that, Andrea also mentioned that she thought that the toughest job in this entire process was the loan officers because they are the ones who have to talk to the buyers about money, which can cause a lot of tension. But then she realized that it was actually the Realtors
because they “run until they have holes in their shoes”.
“I can attest without hesitation that Lance and Erin have the toughest jobs of this entire process. So I commend you guys and it really does make a difference.”
She said that it’s best if you have a good relationship with your realtor so that you could get a win-win situation. Therefore, you should be able to connect with them effectively so that they can understand what you're looking for.
Andrea was a business banker and a lender back in 2001 so she has encountered a lot of buyers in the same situation. For that reason, she mentioned all the things you can also expect in this challenging process and gave a few pieces of advice to help you decide.
April 2022 Lunch and Learn Event Housing
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On April 2022 Lunch and Learn Event Housing, Relax Teams member Heather Crockett shared her knowledge and expertise on settlement needs and reverse mortgages.
Presentation by Heather Crockett
Did you acquire a property recently? Did your lender require you to get title insurance? Most people don’t realize how important title insurance was until it’s too late because of liens, encumbrances, and other undiscovered issues. Most of these don't show up in the initial title search and arise only after the sale is closed. Find out more about title insurance to save you from unnecessary hassle.
Heather Crockett works on title insurance. They don't typically deal with clients face to face but they're on the back end of things, working with the lenders and the attorneys to get the title searches squared away and making sure their clients have full ownership of their house and no liens recorded. They basically partner with lenders for the most part and aim to be that single point of contact for all of their out-of-state settlement needs.
Heather believes that the prices in the real estate market aren't coming down anytime soon. People are getting frustrated and they are hoping that prices are going to come down. But the reality of it is, that the builders are now gearing up to build new homes and it's going to take a while to catch up. Buyers have to realize this fact and they need to be patient. The inventory can’t catch up to the demand, and it's not going to for a while. COVID has affected everything with production and manufacturing and supply-demand issues and it will take a while before it can recover.
Inventory is at a low and not meeting the demand same as it was before COVID. When COVID hit, it added to the supply issues and people can't find enough help from all of those issues. Building more houses is going to take a while to catch up and then allow the builders to finally get their foothold into having enough inventory for the people that are out there.
In the next several years, Heather predicts an increase in reverse mortgages. They've been doing it since they opened their doors. In fact, their first client was a reverse mortgage client. People are starting to realize that reverse mortgages can help them.
They're not the reverse mortgage with the 80s and 90s where people did get taken advantage of. There are a lot of regulations now surrounding reverse mortgages.
The purchase market and the refinance market are very cyclical, very up and down, but reverse mortgages have been pretty consistent and it’s going to be on the upward swing. As far as purchases and supply and demand, all of that remains to be seen, but prices definitely are not coming down for a while. Buyers need to stay the course and be patient.
If you're considering a reverse mortgage, you should:
Make sure it's the right decision for you and that you know what are the regulations around everything with reverse mortgages. You want to talk to all these people to advise you properly rather than just jumping into reverse mortgages, because the lender, a friend, or a family member is telling you. Be sure that you're in that age bracket because it is helpful for a lot of people and it does get them through their retirement so it can be a great option for people.
Most buyers didn't have an idea what title insurance was until they needed it. In fact, one person told Heather that at first, he thought that it was “just a racket”. About a year later, he got a knock on the door. He can't remember if it was like a sheriff or a collection for some, but they proceeded to tell him that he owed around $75,000. He found out that his wife purchased this house which was a flip but thankfully he had title insurance that the lender required him to get for $3,000 at that time. And because of that, he did not have to pay out that $75,000 to pay an attorney to deal with it.
He was completely hands-off and it took them about a year to figure it all out. He was very very thankful for the title insurance at that point.
Don't complain about your lenders requiring you to have title insurance. With everything being so digital now you might hear about deed fraud. Criminals are getting smarter and smarter. There's more and more stuff about you online. Identity theft and ransomware attacks are going to be more on the rise as we live more digitally.
April 2022 Lunch and Learn Event Housing
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On April 2022 Lunch and Learn Event Housing, Relax Teams member Lance Dunn shared his knowledge and expertise in the real estate market.
Presentation by Lance Dunn
There are many things you have to consider when you are a buyer or a seller of a property. You have to know the factors that might affect your buying or selling decisions and also know the possible challenges you might encounter in the market or in the homebuying process. Knowing these things ahead of time will not only help you avoid conflicts but also help you be prepared for anything that's likely to happen.
This may be a lot to take in but here is a way to make it less stressful for you.
Consulting with Lance Dunn who is a real estate agent will make things easier for you because he can give you an idea of what to expect and also help you make an informed decision.
Lance is a real estate agent at Keller Williams located in Clinton, New Jersey. He specializes in residential sales specifically in the areas of Central New Jersey such as Somerset, Hunterdon, Middlesex, Mercer, Warren, and Morris County. So if you are someone who wants to make a move, sell their house, buy their first home, or relocate to a new location, you can reach out to him as he can make things easier and possible for you.
In this feature, Lance voiced his opinion about the recent situation of the housing market. He noticed that the prices are not going down and the interest rates are continuously increasing, resulting in an adverse effect because of how it pushes down the buyer's ability to purchase.
He even mentioned a metric which is a rule of thumb for every point of increase in interest rates. So if there is about a 9% downward pressure on purchasing power, it means the buyer who found a house that costs $500,000 last year will only be able to purchase that house for up to $450,000 with the same money or at least keep the same monthly mortgage payment. This situation made his buyers feel frustrated while the sellers felt pressured because it became more difficult to sell and get the first offer accepted; unless their offer was a very good deal.
The housing market has been really tough recently which is why he came up with a strategy to help his clients have a natural flow in the buying process. First, he does a heart-to-heart conversation with them explaining the challenges that they might face so that they won’t be discouraged. Second, he figures out how much they want to spend and then backs off about 10% of that number before finding their home.
Lance also shared his work experience in real estate, specifically along Route 80 Corridor and 78 Corridor. He noticed in both situations that there was an obvious westerly trajectory of people even in a balanced or buyer's market. He explained that this happens because most people decide to get out of the urban areas to come to the suburban areas to settle down, establish some roots, and raise families. Then once they've done that, an outward flow happens to Pennsylvania down to Florida or the Carolinas.
The reason why people choose to do this is because a lot of properties in urban areas have higher prices than the ones in rural areas. For example, in suburban areas, you can get a house for only $500,000 with a 1995 center hall colonial with four bedrooms and a full basement. But in urban areas, you can get that kind of house for $650,000.
Lance also gave tips to his clients on where they can find affordable rental housing in their area. Usually, single-family home rentals in Hunterdon County are very difficult to find and he remembered reading a statistic once that it is one of the most expensive counties for renting because the typical house there is about 2, 3, 5, or 10 acres with $18,000 in property taxes. That only means if they choose to look for a house to rent there, they would have to prepare a huge amount of money to cover that.
He said that most investors that he works with purchase in areas where prices and taxes are very low. He then suggested getting one in places like Trenton and Phillipsburg because they are the areas that can sustain those types of rents and cover the monthly debt and taxes. There are also some areas with affordable rent in Somerset county because there are some investors who are holding properties for years, getting ready to start to liquidate.
Lance shared that there is still a lot of hesitancy among sellers with regards to whether or not they should put their house on the market. They know that if they put their house on the market and if they need to make a purchase on the other side, they are going to be in the same boat as the buyers who were trying to purchase their home.
But what he wanted the sellers to realize is that the inventory has already become very low, thus, there are more chances for their house to sell even with the prices up.
“I just took a look at some of the numbers from the New Jersey association of realtors in February of 2019 and all of New Jersey that was 49,115 houses for sale for the whole month of February. So again, 49,000 in 2019, and now 18,679 houses for sale in February of 2022. That's a big drop in available inventory. I want sellers to be aware of the fact that now is a magnificent time to take advantage of the market because while I don't see prices dropping out at the bottom, I still see them continuing to rise.”
See this related post from Erin Myers: The Key to Getting the House that You Want
Even in a competitive marketplace, with the help of the right agent by your side, you can get the house that you want. Knowledge is the key and using an agent that's knowledgeable, somebody that has the relationships with the other agents. Somebody that reaches out and knows what the seller is looking for, all of those things play such a key part in getting an offer accepted.
So if you are a seller with a house that has the potential to be in this recent market, while there are still a lot of buyers, this is the perfect time for you to put it out. Because according to Lance, at some point in the future, you are not going to have the same situation where 10 to 30 people are all around your house where they get the pick of the “litter”. There would be a time when the housing market isn’t hot and there are only a few people looking at your home. Yes, it is certain you can still capture them to accept similar prices and offers but it is possible that you will have to deal with things that you don’t want to.
“So that roof that's 30 years old, that probably needs to be replaced next year. Buyers are not going to be sent there. The furnace that is 25 years old and is on its last legs, buyers are going to be sensitive to those types of things.”
He said if sellers want to be able to capture the momentum of the market and the tangential things that go along with the real estate transaction that sometimes they don't think about until they're underway, now is the time to do it because they're not going to be able to get that in a year from now when there are two or three buyers all around their house instead of 20 or 30.
From the increased interest rates to the decreasing house inventories, both buyers and sellers have their own gains and losses in today’s housing market. But what Lance wanted both of them to realize is that the market is still very hot, thus, it is still an excellent time for them to take risks and take advantage of the situation. If not, they might come across something in the future that they did not expect to happen because there are big chances that maybe tomorrow the interest rates may increase even more, which will force some buyers out of the market. There is also the possibility that there will be a lot of competition in the market which will make things more challenging for all sellers.
April 2022 Lunch and Learn Event Housing
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On April 2022 Lunch and Learn Event, Relax Teams invited Warren County Habitat for Humanity as the Featured Organization.
It’s not too late for a new year’s resolution. Here’s an idea, volunteer and help your community.
You can help yourself just by helping others. According to research, helping others can give you joy, less stress, and even better overall health. Not only that, but you will also gain real-world experience and create meaningful connections while making a good impact on your community.
So let this be your year where you help yourself by helping others.
If you are willing to give it a try, then, keep on reading because Brittany Powelson, a Volunteer Services and Public Relations Manager, is very happy to introduce to you their organization called the Warren County Habitat for Humanity. She will also share what they do for their communities and also discuss with you their incoming 2022 programs that you can join moving forward.
They are part of a global, nonprofit housing organization operated on Christian principles that seek to put God’s love into action by building homes, communities, and hope. They are committed to three major things:
Their organization consists of a core team of volunteers that works twice a week from 9 am to 5 pm. Brittany mentioned that they are looking for individuals who are willing to join one of their build sites called the Volunteer Build which is a typical habitat for humanity builds. Furthermore, if you are also looking for an activity to do with your company and build those skills and connections, they are giving companies an opportunity to set team buildings with them. They are very open for individuals or even groups to join so if you are interested in volunteering by yourself, or planning a bonding activity/ team-building with your company, feel free to reach out to Brittany.
“We are absolutely looking for groups to come out. Like I said, swing a hammer, help actually construct what will be the home for one of our very deserving families.” - Brittany Powelson
Additionally, she also mentioned another build site that is ongoing construction namely the Modular Build. They made this build for a veteran who served in the Navy and also went to seminary to become a pastor. “He is very deserving. He is a wonderful guy who is getting that home”.
They also have a store named The Warren County Habitat for Humanity (WCHFH) ReStore which is located at 384 Route 57 West Washington, NJ 07882. They offer awesome deals and other interesting items that you can check on.
The purpose of their store is to help the organization raise funds to build homes for local qualified low-income families. They accept in-kind donations so if you would like to donate to their ReStore, you can contact them at 908-835-1980 to schedule your drop off at their store.
“You can come in and look at some awesome deals, check out some great stuff while also helping a mission of building homes and get hope for people in need.” - Brittany Powelson
According to Brittany, they will be having two events this May 2022. The first one is their program called the Hope in the Hills of Warren which will happen on the 14th and 15th. It is a program set for the youth and adults where they partner together and perform small-scale repairs, and outdoor home maintenance on homes that are owned by the elderly, handicapped, and low to moderate-income homeowners.
The second event will be their 10th anniversary which is happening on the 21st. They will be having their resource sale where they display beautiful secondhand items, quality furniture, and all other amazing deals with amazing prices.
Volunteering at WCHFH is definitely one for the books. When you join their organization, you will immediately feel welcome and comfortable because they will really make an effort to make you feel at home and make you feel like you are a part of the family. It is also promised that they will give you the most unforgettable experience that will surely stay with you for the rest of your life. If you are ready to get out, contribute to your community, and feel fulfilled, learn more about Warren County Habitat for Humanity and get involved with them.
Brittany Powelson is a Volunteer Services and Public Relations Manager at the Warren County Habitat for Humanity. She is a very enthusiastic, dedicated non-profit professional with three years of event planning, fundraising, and donor communications experience.
Reach out to Brittany here.
April 2022 Lunch and Learn Event Habitat For Humanity
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On March 2022 Lunch and Learn Event Getting in and Out of Marriage, Relax Teams member Morgan Thompson shared how Prevention Links help individuals with substance use disorders through vital treatment, recovery and/or support services.
Presentation by Morgan Thompson
If a family experiences early exposure to drug use, it can cause stress to other family members, especially the younger ones. It can also cause a child to feel emotionally and physically neglected and unsafe. That’s why it’s important to holistically address the issue before it goes out of hand, this is where Prevention Links come in. Watch this video to know how this nonprofit organization actively helps the community by helping affected families and individuals overcome challenges.
Morgan Thompson is the CEO of Prevention Links, a non-profit organization that takes a leadership role in the prevention of drugs, alcohol, tobacco, and related issues.
They are based in Union County, New Jersey serving the central region of New Jersey.
How Prevention Links help families and individuals:
They work with individuals to link them to any support and services that they may need to initiate and sustain their recovery journey and so they can help get people connected to treatment. They have peer recovery specialists who are in recovery themselves, who have walked the path. They can walk it alongside individuals who are new in their process and they also work directly with families.
If the individual who is experiencing addiction isn't ready yet to seek help but the family member very much wants them to, Prevention Links work with the family member to help them communicate more effectively with their loved one and help them build that motivation to seek help and make sure that they're really taking care of themselves along the journey.
Their motto is “Everyone knows someone, help prevent the next one.”
Anyone who's listening today likely knows someone who's either struggling directly with addiction or who loves someone who's struggling directly with addiction. They ask everyone to get informed about the organization.
Visit them online at Prevention Links. They also have a Facebook page and Instagram if you want to learn more about the services they provide, all of which are free to the individuals and families they serve. They are grant-funded through a variety of sources, there's no cost to participate in the programs they offer.
They work with:
They are currently seeking volunteers to help them advance their mission. They're also seeking corporate sponsors to help sustain their programming into the future. Prevention Links has been around for 50 years and they're working on the next 50 to make sure they can make an impact double and triple than what it was.
When the pandemic hit, the need for their services has grown exponentially and so they're trying to scale the work they do to meet that need.
March 2022 Lunch and Learn Event Getting in and Out of Marriage
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On March 2022 Lunch and Learn Event Getting In and Out of Marriage, Relax Teams member Drew Deraney, shared his thoughts about marriage
People who went through a rough patch, oftentimes we hear them say “I wish I had guidance back then so I could have done better” or ”I wish I had the wisdom I have right now to give advice to my younger self.” It’s natural for us to seek help so going through divorce into a new life can be smoother and the grief cycle shorter. In this presentation, Drew gives important key points to remember when in a relationship, that he wished he knew back then.
Drew Deraney is a business consultant in the financial and health and wellness space. He does independent, cost reduction, and consulting for businesses. He is also an independent affiliate with a biotech company that helps the body age healthily.
Drew has 3 children from 22 years of marriage. They were only 9, 11, and 13 when they separated. They are now 16, 18, and 20 years old and it has had a huge impact on them right now.
The first thing that Drew would say is “mindset is everything”. His mindset now is completely different from his mindset in April of ‘18 when the divorce was finalized, and completely different from his mindset when they separated in 2015, completely different from his mindset when they got married in May of 2000. In every stage of the relationship, the mindset was different.
When he was getting married, he was not thinking about getting divorced. That was the mindset at that moment. Drew would never have thought of any kind of prenuptial thing in his first-ever marriage because you're not thinking that when you get married. He thought pre-nuptials were like, “maybe I'm not feeling secure that this marriage is going to work.” But after all that has happened, Drew would still never change one second of his past. Because for him, things happen for a reason.
Drew talks about the importance of managing expectations early on which he nor his ex-wife did. He realized people who had strong marriages or even those working at their marriages, have had relationship therapy while they're dating. He thought it was very interesting, though it’s something he would never have thought of. People do relationship therapy because when you meet somebody, they'll have their pet peeves and they’ll have their little quirks and idiosyncrasies. In the beginning, you’ll find it cute and funny. But after a while, if it's not addressed, it will really bother you and resentment could set in.
Addressing early and managing expectations is so important. Any misunderstanding in a relationship is due to misalignment and expectations between the two parties because if one person expects one thing and the other person expects another, you have this alignment gap. And if there's that kind of misalignment, it's hard to succeed in any kind of relationship. So I would say manage expectations early on.
The last thing that Drew would like to add is about communicating. He believes there's no such thing as not communicating, either communicating effectively or ineffectively. And in essence, avoidance is a form of communication. That was the method that Drew and her ex-wife used because they both didn't like conflict. It’s hard walking on eggshells because if I didn't say something tactfully enough, it would end up in a discussion and that wouldn't be pleasant.
3 important factors to remember in marriage:
Drew mentioned that he used to live by the golden rule but not anymore because the golden rule says do unto others, as you would want to be done unto yourself. But not everybody likes it that way. He now uses what he calls “the platinum rule”, to do unto others, as they would want to be done unto themselves. How do you know what they want? You ask them.
If you're always thinking about doing unto others, as they would want to be done unto themselves, it’s part of you managing the expectations. Respecting other people's feelings is very important.
His book is coming out in the summer and it's a self-help book for men and the content is related to the topic of this month's event, getting in and out of marriage.
“One of my goals and passions in life, when my book comes out, is to help men in these situations. I want myself now in that mindset, to be able to help those men who were “Drews” seven years ago and give them the tools that I didn't have. So they can have those tools in the heat of the moment to shorten the grief cycle.”
The wound is always there. It's never healed. What time does to it is it adds some layers above the wound. It may take longer to penetrate and have that wound be painful again. But you always need to know that that wound is there. So if there were mistakes, you don't repeat the mistakes. The wounds are always there.
Not losing yourself in a marriage
When it comes to writing the book of love, it's important to involve the heart as a key contributor. It's imperative to entrust the brain as the editor. Too often, decisions are made with emotion without thinking. And it's very difficult when you're in the heat of the moment to have the heart and the head talk.
March 2022 Lunch and Learn Event Getting In and Out of Marriage
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On March 2022 Lunch and Learn Event Getting In and Out of Marriage, Relax Teams member Desirae Haluk shared her thoughts about going through a divorce.
Presentation by Desirae Haluk
When a man and a woman get married, they become “one flesh” with their mate. But they’re still two individuals and may have different opinions. This is where a lot of conflicts start until things can become unresolvable. On the flip side, divorce is the severance of the marriage bond between a husband and a wife and many choose this option for many reasons. Find out what Desirae thinks of divorce as someone who went through it recently, and why divorce is not for everyone
Desirae Haluk is the owner of a marketing agency in New Jersey called Clariant Services. She helps startups and small businesses to have an effective and affordable marketing plan to grow their businesses.
Desirae is on this panel because she was separated two years ago and went through divorce in December. She shares her insights and perspective on divorce and marriage. She has two little kids, 10 and 8 who are very much impacted by the entire experience. One piece of advice she can say upfront is “if you don't have to get a divorce, please don't.” For her, it is the absolute, most awful process you can go through.
She remembers going through 30-page divorce papers every single night after the kids went to bed. They would sit down together and replace all the words in that long document. It took about a month and it was just awful because you talk about in the case of death, what happens with the kids and your life insurance policies? There are too many details involved, like who pays for college? What if the kid drops out of college, then what happens?
These are the things that you are not ready to talk about yet, but you have to go through. Desirae would compare it to mourning a loss, but the person's in front of you. It's awful for both parties involved, and it’s awful with the kids. However, all these things didn’t happen on a whim, they went through counseling, and exhausted all efforts they could.
Desirae shared that she never got married thinking she was going to get divorced. The union lasted for 12 years, and they were together for four years before marriage. And though she spent a significant amount of her life with that relationship, she has moved on and she is now with her significant other.
Sometimes, it's the tiny insignificant, minor thing that can be the straw that broke the camel's back. It's an accumulation of a whole bunch of things. That's how it was for Desirae. From there, it built up. Then one day, she decided it was over.
While in the decision-making process, Desirae read a lot of books about whether to separate or not, and one book is called I love you, but I'm not in love with you. It talks about couples not dating each other, then kids coming and never ever dating again. She recalls for the last 10 years they never went for dinner and never did anything together. That’s what happened.
Another book that Desirae wishes she had read eight years ago touches upon the languages of love. It’s a book called the Five Languages of Love, and it talks about how we're not all the same, we think differently. Other’s language of love is like receiving words of affirmation or affection or gift-giving, but it doesn't mean that your spouse enjoys those same things.
Desirae added key components to a better relationship:
It's all about maintenance and work. Relationships aren't there to just be left like a plant to grow, you still have to nurture that plant. You got to water it and give it sunlight. So watering, give your relationship sunlight by dating each other.
Divorce is an awful thing, but every single day gets better and you get stronger and heal.
March 2022 Lunch and Learn Event Getting In and Out of Marriage
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On March 2022 Lunch and Learn Event: Getting In and Out of Marriage, Relax Teams invited Pastor Daniel Fenco to share his knowledge and expertise on the secret on how to have a happy marriage
By Daniel Fenco
There’s a never-ending stream of self-help books and magazines that offer advice when it comes to this topic: What's the secret for a happy marriage? Others would say love, communication, trust, and personal time with each other. Some advice today may be viewed as unworkable tomorrow. For Pastor Dan, you can add one thing to the recipe so that couples can have a happy union despite shortcomings and imperfections.
Daniel Fenco is a pastor of a bilingual church called Camino Fair Lutheran Church in Burnsville and Somerville. He has been a pastor for about 10 years now and he has helped many couples understand what marriage is all about from God's perspective, the creator of heaven and earth.
Pastor Dan does pre-marriage counseling where they meet about six times before marriage and it's mainly just to help couples to understand what God has to say about the sacred union. He’s been married for 17 years with three children, fourteen, nine, and four. He shared his passion for couples planning to get married with the purpose of trying to help people understand marriage from God's perspective and understand God's love for humanity.
Oftentimes people want to know the secret to a happy marriage and everybody has different ideas. Marrying your best friend, marrying someone who's attractive, or marrying someone who makes you laugh. People have different ideas. But according to Pastor Dan, from God's perspective and for what God has for humanity, the secret to a happy marriage is forgiveness. It’s the ability to forgive and to be able to give someone a second chance. Regardless of your spouse's faults and shortcomings, you get up every morning and love each other, and be with each other, even if there are all those things in between.
When Pastor Dan meets with couples for pre-marriage counseling, he usually mentions that forgiveness is key at the beginning of marriage, but he thinks it will help couples as things progress to 5 years, 10 years, 15 years passed by, and ultimately for reconciliation purposes. It’s that one thing he helps people to understand and try to live out himself as well. It's just one of those things that need constant work. One thing that you have to remind yourself of almost every day. We need to have this ability to forgive and to forgive a lot.
How do you deal with couples that come to you, wondering if marriage is right for them or as a married couple and they're not sure if they want to continue as a married couple?
Pastor Dan: “We go through, what love is, right? Probably, some of you heard the famous first Corinthians chapter 13: “love is patient, love is kind”. And one of the points that I try to make is that when the Bible talks about love, it is not a set of feelings. It's not the butterflies that you feel in your belly when you see the person you love. When God talks about love is, it's a set of actions. You have to be patient. And I think it goes both ways, It has to be both ways.
It has both ways. It's not rude. It's not resentful, it doesn't do wrong. In other words, love is sacrificial. And it goes both ways. God has given us the greatest example of this sacrificial love when Jesus came into the world and gave his life so that we will not be condemned. He put our needs before his needs. He knew what he needed to do. And he gave himself for us, not even asking us if we wanted that. So he gave us the greatest example of love that helps us understand what love is.”
There are obviously circumstances where things don't work out. If that happen, Pastor Dan would ask them to talk to a professional beyond that point. His main goal is to try to help them understand what it is that God wants for the relationship. But he also thinks it's important to help people understand that even though God created marriage and meant for it to be forever, that was before. That was our creation right before Adam and Eve fell into sin, which helps us understand that we live in this sinful world, that we live in this world war. Things are not always going to work out.
Pastor Dan shared Ben Affleck’s story a couple of years ago when he was at an award show and he was thanking everybody. He was right when he said, “the essence of their marriage is work”. Everybody was upset, but if you really think about it, it’s giving yourself every day, it’s being patient and being kind, and not being arrogant. It's not being resentful, it's being sacrificial. So it is work and It’s something that we need to work on constantly.
There are circumstances where things don't work out and we help people understand that it's okay. And there is forgiveness after a marriage that is broken. There is forgiveness for someone who gets divorced. There is forgiveness for all of that. There is love after that, after a marriage has fully dissolved, there is hope. That's what we're trying to help people understand as well.
Marriage is work. You constantly need to learn about yourself and about the other person, it's also learning about what God has to say about you, your relationship with the world, and how he wants us to show that love. In any stage of a relationship, forgiveness is really important. Especially in today's world, if we don't like something we'll cancel it. We don't give anyone a second chance anymore. There's the point where God has given us more than the second, third chances and we just need to be forgiving and give others a second chance as well.
March 2022 Lunch and Learn Event Getting In and Out of Marriage
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On March 2022 Lunch and Learn Event: Insights on Getting In or Out of Marriage, Relax Teams invited Marissa Del Mauro to share her knowledge and expertise in the area of Family and Matrimonial Law
Presentation by Marissa Del Mauro
When going through tumultuous times like divorce, people can experience different emotions like what others described as storms in the sea. When that happens, it’s good to know there’s a good family law attorney that will help you get through it and carry on through any sort of difficult times like a “lighthouse in the storm”.
Marissa is a Certified Matrimonial Law Attorney in the state of New Jersey which means she’s been designated by the state’s Supreme Court as an expert in the area of Family and Matrimonial Law. She is a partner at Lions and Associates based in Somerville and in Morristown, New Jersey.
The firm's motto is your “lighthouse in the storm” because they believe that they can meet clients where they are and carry them through any sort of difficult times that they are experiencing. For the March 2022 Lunch and Learn “Getting In and Out of Marriage,” Marissa talked about what she hopes can resonate with a lot of people when talking about marriage getting in and out, prenuptial agreements, and divorce.
Marissa shares that even though they are divorce attorneys, they encourage spouses to exhaust all options before actually filing for divorce as far as reconciliation is concerned.
Whether it's through counseling or meeting with your pastor, that's certainly something that they encourage because they don't want to break up an intact marriage that should remain intact. She mentioned that they also do adoptions on their firm and that it's one of the only happy things she gets to do sometimes, Marissa said in jest.
Marissa has done a lot of stepparent options and adult adoptions and just recently, she met with a woman who wanted to re-adopt her daughter that was adopted internationally and have her American birth certificate. It is something that people don't necessarily think about when they hear a family law attorney but it is something that Marissa’s team does.
For the initial intake, Marissa would just let them talk and hear them out. When she meets with someone initially, she observes if they are bursting at the seams to talk or are a little bit more reticent. She uses her perception skills to get an idea of how they're coming into the appointment and getting the basic facts like: how long are they married, do they have children, how old are they, what are their immediate concerns? A lot of times it is purely just information gathering and providing advice. Some people are ready to pull the trigger, some are not.
It's common for them to have a consultation and see them on one day and then come back six months to a year later and it’s normal. They let the consult take it from there whether they want to come back if they have additional questions or whenever they're ready. They certainly make the space for the clients to come back.
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A mother and a child’s bond starts from pregnancy to birth, to eternal life. Every moment spent together is very special and essential for the child’s growth and mental health. But what if the mother gets abused or addicted to a certain substance and becomes blind to everything else she sees? And the child gets affected and everything just falls down in its place?
One of the most challenging journeys in life is changing and recovering from a very traumatic experience such as abuse, homelessness, and especially primary substance use disorder. And if you are a mother who is also held captive by addiction and now wants to work on yourself for the sake of your child’s future and well-being, please continue reading. Jenn Unger, from The Center For Great Expectations, is here to provide you with professional help that you and your child need. Moreover, they have multiple programs designed to help mothers and their children to safely withdraw from substances and support them in meeting their recovery goals which will be briefly discussed in this feature.
The Center For Great Expectations or CGE is a mission-driven organization located in Somerset, New Jersey. They started in 1998 in a two-bedroom house, with a single bathroom donated by Immaculate Conception Parish. At this present time, they have built two residential facilities with over a hundred employees and multiple programs available to treat the vulnerable population - one for adults and their children needing long-term treatment for substance use and mental health disorders; the other for pregnant and parenting adolescents with co-occurring mental health disorders and their children.
Their team is what we call a cohesive team as they support each other and do their work as a team. Each member has different roles in supporting the health and well-being of the people in need. They come in different specialties, direct line staff, residential associates, occupational therapists, and physical therapists. According to Jenn, their work is one of the most difficult to do and involves a lot of effort as they are to supervise, support, and guide individuals consistently.
In this feature, Jenn Unger also discussed four out of five programs available in the organization that are to meet the needs of each patient.
This program is a residential treatment program for pregnant and parenting adolescents and their children. They use a holistic trauma-informed approach that they call the Adverse Childhood Experiences or ACE study where different mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual experiences that happen before the age of 18 are diagnosed. The results are studied by the professionals and are shown to the patients thereafter. Through this, they will know how severe the trauma has impacted their mind and body today.
“The higher the ACE score, the higher the severity of a range of different things that can happen.” - Jenn Unger
This long-term residential “mommy and me” program serves homeless, pregnant, and women parenting children up to age five with substance use disorder. Their program is guided by their model called the Trauma C.A.R.E. Model which is designed to foster a culture of safety and nurturance, provide trauma-attuned treatment, facilitate relationships that heal attachment wounds and empower those we serve to participate in their own healing process.
This program is an outpatient program that provides a safe place, a safe presence, and a safe path for people in recovery for substance use/co-occurring disorders and mental health issues. Similar to the Adult Women’s Program, they also use their Trauma C.A.R.E. Model to help the patients who are in need.
This center is an on-site licensed child development center that provides professional childcare by teachers who are trained in trauma-informed interventions appropriate for young children. This purpose is to have each mother work on their recovery while their child is cared for in a safe and nurturing environment.
“When moms are in care from eight to three o'clock with us in the program, the children are doing a lot of developmental work.” - Jenn Unger
The recovery process depends on the client’s situation. It might be shorter or even longer than you think. It will not only take you days but it will take you months to fully recover as you may come across a lot of setbacks or relapses; which is normal in the recovery period. In spite of that, do not be discouraged. Just continue to work on yourself every single day and work with a team that will help you to fully heal and recover from the traumatic experience that you have come across.
With all this being said, The Center For Great Expectations makes it possible for you and all the great mothers to heal and change for the better. They have the appropriate programs that will help you understand the cause of your wounds and help you progress while giving your child a program that will help them with their development.
Jenn Unger is a licensed clinical social worker, a licensed clinical drug, an alcohol counselor and a certified clinical supervisor. She is the former Program Manager of the Adult Residential Program in the Center for Great Expectations. And was recently promoted to be the Clinical Director which is the role within the center as she oversees all clinical programs.
So if you are in the depths of abuse or substance use disorder and are seeking help to change for the sake of the ones you love so dearly, Jenn and her CGE team can help you with that.
Reach out to Jenn Unger here.
February 2022 Lunch and Learn Event Children and the Elderly
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On February 2022 Lunch and Learn Event: Children and Elderly, Relax Teams member Tracy Spiaggia shared her knowledge and expertise on Functional Nutrition
If you're an athlete and you're training for your sport, do you prefer a coach that would only tell you what to do and not do? Or a talented coach that could edify and build your skills up and hopefully have the skills themselves and can show you a technique or movement? It's very similar to where Tracy stands alongside the people she works with.
Tracy Spiaggia is a Functional Nutrition and Lifestyle Coach, Brain Health Specialist with Slingshot Health Coaching. Her passion is working with individuals and families who struggle with mental illness coaching them into a more peaceful, healthy, and successful life.
At Slingshot Health Coaching, they do a deep dive into a person's entire life story, mining for potential triggers and looking for common threads that will lead up to answering the question “How in the world did this person end up in this situation where they're suffering to the extent that they are?” After knowing the details, Tracy crafts a very unique customized plan not just for the person but ideally for the entire family to get involved and give support for their loved one who's struggling.
A customized plan will level up the way the entire home is living in terms of:
Tracy works on discovering the uniqueness of each person in that family both in body, mind, and in spirit so that all the needs are met, then typically those symptoms will alleviate because they've been met in a very holistic way.
The attention and deep dive into the biology of the person will help support them on a foundational level in terms of these biological necessities in order for us to heal. Every time a new client signs up with Tracy’s coaching program, she uses the ACE Study for assessments in her intake work. The results of that test will show how likely is the person in front of her, be it a tween, a teen, a young adult, or a full-blown adult, to wrestle with a physical ailment as a result of trauma being stuck in the body. The truth is all of us are helpers and healers on an assembly line in this life. People who are suffering can make stops all along the way where there's room and a proper place for all of us and the work that we do. It's both symbiotic and holistically beautiful.
Tracy would come in and support the person, helping them understand the WHY instead of just giving a prescription, diet suggestion, telling them how many hours of sleep they need, or telling them how many minutes of movement in a day they need because that's authoritative. It puts most people in a very defensive posture and nobody likes to be told what to do. Instead, people like partnerships and people like to engage in new scarier activities with somebody. For instance, you're an athlete and you're training for your sport.
Tracy also mentioned that just recently she added family kitchen time and recipe preparation that are anti-inflammatory. When clients have a myofascial restriction or trauma in centers, their biology needs support in order for those detox pathways to open up for intercellular nutrition levels to rise to be held not just at RDA levels but also functional and optimal levels.
It's not just necessarily bringing somebody to that baseline of “you're alive, you're not dead” because it's so much more than that. It’s helping them understand the interconnectedness between what we eat, how we move, how we sleep, the bitterness and anger we hold on to, how we relate to others, the ability to communicate, the passion at work, opportunities to be creative and to be expressive in the world and also friendships. All of these things are what make us human, and that's what is unique about the work that Tracy does.
There are plenty of spaces that people can go to as they struggle emotionally and relationally to get that talk therapy and other types of therapeutic skills in managing emotions and relationships. There is a whole biology piece that may not be getting enough attention. The body needs that cellular support because most of the time, these clients that Tracy works with have very congested livers because of all the excitatory hormones that are constantly secreted due to the trauma situations they're in. The liver has to deal with that raised cortisol, that high blood sugar, and the dipping blood sugar. Good food is not readily accessible, what is accessible is dead food.
“The biology piece is super important in coming around a person to help them experience true holistic health so that they can be released into a future that really is untethered.”
“It is remarkable that the whole panel is also interconnected and it really holds a person's story. I love the story of Jen of the horticulture piece growing the basil and then giving her a skill set to appreciate the beauty of turning that into something delicious to eat. That's whole food and nutritious and brings the relational piece. Food has so much power in it, aside from sex it's the most intimate thing we do with other people. I could spend days preparing for the holiday, from marinating and thinking about the sides that complement the main course.
When I prepare it and I set it in front of the people whom I love and watch them enjoy it, it brings so much joy to me. For the most part, everything I prepare is incredibly nutritious so I'm supporting their bodies as well. So the power in educating and inspiring people to let go of dead food, to let go of this idea that calories are simply just pouring gasoline in the car so it can go. Food for us is so much more than that.
When you observe the animal kingdom, you don't see them eating outside of what is designed for them to consume in order to thrive. You don't see a fish flopping out of the water to go find a walnut. But we have access to everything and we just have ways of allowing our lives to go off design. And when we go off design, we trade one lie for another lie like: ‘I'm too busy to cook, let me just go through the drive-thru’. Instead of kind of defaulting to what was easier at that moment may be kind of pausing to assess your life to say ‘is there other areas I need to take a look at to yield more time to get healthy food on the table?’. The reason that's important is it really undergirds all of the work that everybody on this panel does.”
Tracy also points out that everybody's work on the panel is so interwoven and interconnected with the other and it highlights the bigger picture of everything that people do matters. It matters for those that we intersect with in our lives. Our food choices aren't happening in a silo, our exercise and movement choices aren't happening in a silo, our refusal to go to bed and put the technology down is happening in a silo, it ripples out into every aspect of our lives. If we are going to do the really brave work of stemming the tide of generational trauma, we've got to get more serious and intentional about valuing and honoring the physical container that moves the soul about the world.
If we don't honor the body, then they're going to be chronically inflamed, always feeling ill, very irritable, and toxic on the inside. When disease presents itself, it brings to the surface all of those yucky emotions and experiences that are ping-ponging around in the body because we have no physiological bandwidth to handle the emotional stress that life will inevitably bring to every single person.
It's a continuum and there's never going to be one practitioner that will take one broken person and put them all back together. This is what being a human being is all about, it’s looking around you for love so the things that are trapped in your body can actually finally exit and leave the body. Sometimes we say ”it's magical” but what you really mean is you feel loved, t's not magic. And this is what and why we're all here in the first place, to love others and to receive love and that is impeded when we don't live with our design.
February 2022 Lunch and Learn Event: Children and Elderly
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On February 2022 Lunch and Learn Event: Children and the Elderly, Relax Teams member George Pizzo shared his knowledge and expertise on Relocation, Downsizing, and Decluttering.
You may have been happily living in a home where so many great memories were made bit by bit. You may have made a lot of laughable moments, and even heartaches or challenges that taught you lessons that made you the person you are today. Naturally, when the time comes that you may want or need to sell your house, you will feel a little bit hesitant to do it.
Yes, we get what you are feeling!
When you are a senior, you will think that selling your home is impossible because you have to let go of the valuable things that bring so many unforgettable memories with your family. Not only that, but you will also think that this is just going to be another stressful and challenging task because you have to undergo a long process while spiking with overwhelming emotions. But there is no need to worry because George Pizzo, a senior relocation specialist from Caring Transitions is here to guide you and help you get through this process!
See also: Clear Out Your House with George Pizzo
Impossible you may say? Anything is possible when you are with the right person and the right team. So If you are ready to downsize and relocate to a new home where you can make new memories, continue reading as we will introduce you to a company that you must definitely consider working with.
Caring Transitions is an American company that is established to assist seniors and their families with moving out, relocation, downsizing, or anything in between. They are a team of experienced professionals that are 100% trusted and with great knowledge and skills. They will make everything easy for you as they will oversee all the aspects of your moving process. They will also assist you with your decisions and provide you with a well-thought plan that allows you to spend less, worry less, and instead focus on your next phase of life.
Engaging with them is the best solution for you because they not only have the experience to facilitate the lifestyle transitions, but they also have the emotional expertise to assist you and your family to overcome a very difficult transition. They are your total solution for peace of mind and minimizing stress. They also have the services that you will need when you are looking forward to selling your home. Services relating to Relocation, Downsizing, and Estates Sales and Online Auctions will save you a lot of time and money on overpriced and unnecessary services.
See also: Downsizing Help For Seniors: The Best Company To Hire
Relocating to a new home? Caring Transitions got your back! First, they will declutter your home and help you decide what to downsize, keep, donate, or get rid of. They will also be the ones to pack your things to ready your relocation. Once you are relocated and all set, they will unpack, arrange, and even organize your things according to your comfort to make it feel like home.
They have a team of senior relocation specialists that has the skillset that you need. They are well suited to working with the elders. They have the best resources and also understand the trends in senior living. Moreover, with them, they will help you ease your “move-out anxiety” naturally.
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Selling or having to move out of a family home can be stressful because of the process and the emotions that you will have to go through. You will even have to deal with a multitude of services because you have to clear out, clean, do home repairs, declutter unnecessary things, and even hire a company to do an estate sale. But with Caring Transitions having all those services in one, they will handle everything for you. May it be in planning, coordinating, downsizing, or relocating. Thus, with them, you will be able to reduce a huge amount of stress, save time, money, and effort.
February 2022 Lunch and Learn Event Children and the Elderly
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On February 2022 Lunch and Learn Event Children and the Elderly, Relax Teams member Rachele DeCrescenzo shared her knowledge and expertise on the benefits of having a good fascial system.
In 2019, there were 3 million ER visits in adults that were 65 and older for falls. And of those 3 million ER visits, there are 34,000 deaths. Falls are the number one cause of injury deaths for adults 65 years and above. This is why keeping yourself healthy and your fascial system moving well is really important. Knowing these facts is important to prevent injury.
Rachele DeCrescenzo is a physical therapist specializing in John Barnes Myofascial Release. She’s been a PT for almost 18 years now, and in the last four to five years, she focused on studying and practicing Myofascial Release.
Rachele has worked with adolescents through much older adults. Earlier in her career, she started out working with outpatient orthopedics and working with kids and adults and older adults in the full spectrum of different injuries. Then she went on to work specifically with strictly older adults in their homes. They are the older adults with an average age of 75 years old. The goal for them is to keep them functional and moving in their home and safe.
In 2019, she opened her own practice, and at present, she specializes in a type of treatment called John Barnes Myofascial Release. It's a holistic, hands-on type of treatment that looks and works with the fascial system of our body. Working and engaging with the fascial system can prevent injuries in both children and older adults.
In the US there are 30 million children and teens that participate in organized sports. Three and a half million of those children have injuries every year and most of those injuries are sprains and strains which can really be prevented a lot of times.
In our bodies we have a system called the fascial system. It's a three-dimensional connective tissue web that runs continuously from head to toe, front to back, side to side and it's a system that basically holds all of our other systems together. Our muscular system, nervous system, and circulatory system are like the architecture of our body.
The fascial system is like this ball in the image above. It should glide and move freely and smoothly as we move.
See also: What is Myofascial Release? Does it work?
Oftentimes we get restrictions on that web in this structure. If we get a restriction, then that web doesn't quite move the way it needs to and it restricts the things around it that need to do what they do. The fascial system should move freely and allow our muscles to be able to perform certain activities when we're in good shape. The problem arises when we get restrictions from different things like falls, injuries, and from different physical and emotional traumas. Undue stress is just one example of an actual big life event, the trauma of a divorce or a loss of a loved one can also affect the fascial system.
Those traumas get stuck in our bodies and cause tightness and restrictions in our fascia. Those restrictions can and often wind up, becoming physical symptoms and physical limitations.
Factors that can contribute to falls in older adults:
The older adult falls are multifactorial. Vision, polypharmacy, low light in their home, safety issues are things that can contribute to falls in older adults. If they don't have good vision, their balance is poor, their home is not as safe as they need to be and now on top of it, their bodies are tight and non-pliable. If they trip or stumble on something, they have no recourse to catch themselves so the fall actually happens instead of being able to catch themselves.
Being able to have that fascial system that's open and free and lets your body move is really important. It’s the same thing with kids doing sports year-round. This can cause the same body part to overuse injuries. Keeping them mobile and balanced is super important.
When Rachele works with her clients, whether they're children, adolescents, or older adults, she looks at the whole system and the whole body. Things like, how is it moving? How is it functioning? She makes sure that their body can move and do things that it needs to do to prevent injury through working with a hands-on approach. She creates a very specific, individualized home program where they work on these same types of things at home to open up their fascial system and keep them as movable, pliable and flexible as possible.
Learn More Here: Fascial Stretch Therapy To Start Your Authentic Healing
A lot of times, Rachele works with clients and patients that have a lot of trauma in their lives, and that trauma has caused physical symptoms. You can't always get the traumas out verbally but what myofascial release does is it gets people to tune into their bodies. When a person experiences trauma, they basically dissociate from the body because they need to survive the situation.
When they dissociate from their body, they don't even know how to feel into their own body. When dealing with her patients who experience this, she gets them to start to feel their bodies and know what it is to be “in their bodies”. They should feel safe again in their own body. There's so much more to myofascial release than just the injury.
She also mentioned that in order for the food and the nutrients to get where they need to go in the body, the fascial system also needs to be open. The body needs to be open to release that trauma from those restrictions in your body so it does all work together.
Rachele mentioned a wonderful book called ‘The Body Keeps the Score’ and it's written by a psychologist that speaks about how the body remembers everything. We have to find ways to release it whether it is through myofascial release work, through horticultural work, art, music, or through therapy. It goes way beyond just the injury piece.
There's this thing in our body called the fascial system. It affects every other system and it can really have an effect on the overall condition of the body. It's not something that's studied very often or it's been studied a lot more over the last 10 years. In general, there are not a lot of studies on the fascial system and it doesn't show up on X-rays or MRIs or CAT scans either that's why sometimes it's ignored by western medicine.
This fascial system in our body can potentially have a key to what's going on that might be missed in other western medicines because it really allows for holistic healing that also includes the mind, body, and spirit. The symptom that you're feeling, it's never just a symptom alone, that symptom is just the tip of the iceberg so just consider that there might be some other solutions out there.
February 2022 Lunch and Learn Event : Children and the Elderly
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On January 2022 Lunch and Learn Event Goal Setting, Relax Teams member Denel Bingel shared her knowledge and expertise on making fitness fun and accessible while setting realistic goals.
By Denel Bingel
Denel Bingel is a Personal Trainer/ Group Exercise Instructor. She teaches exercise science at a local college and she makes fitness fun and accessible for people who may not think that it’s possible. She spends a lot of time teaching students how to create specific exercise programs for specific people.
Teaching at a local college, Denel realized over the years that her students need to eat their vegetables and they need to exercise. The students knew that before they even walked into the classroom so she started to work more on how to take things that we know, put them into practice, and maintain them over time.
She is also a personal trainer and group exercise instructor. Every January 1st, everybody wants help to lose weight because that is their new year's resolution. It's either losing weight or quitting smoking. How does she help people to take what they know and then transition that into habits that help them and that they can maintain? For Denel, the secret sauce for that is similar to what Chris said, it is the community around them.
A lot of us start off really strong and then after a week or two, it becomes very hard. So having that community around you to support you and help you to live in line with the goals that you've chosen is really valuable.
Losing weight is one of the most common goals. You can just have that thought floating around in your head for years but taking the time to write it down is really key. In addition to that, you're going to need to make it specific and measurable, and time-bound. Write that down, hang it on the bulletin board, or by your desk wherever it needs to be. Identify the behaviors that are going to get you there.
It’s easy to say “I'm going to lose 10 pounds by April 1st”. That's a SMART goal because it’s specific, measurable, timely. You can add setting behavioral goals like eating three servings of vegetables every day as a positive goal. This way, you’re not taking anything away from yourself but adding positive things and then sticking with that.
Predicting obstacles is such a good idea because success has never gone straight up. It doesn't happen.You're not just going to continually get better and better so try to predict some of those obstacles so you don't get discouraged.
“I know that my favorite thing is like ShopRite vanilla sheet cake. So if I know I'm going to a party, I'm going to say to myself ‘this is going to come up for you today how would you like to handle it?’’ Then I have the opportunity to choose between having a piece of that cake to enjoy it or I can choose to stay away from that sugar right now because I need to stay a hundred percent clean for myself so that I can feel good.”
Denel also talks to her husband and teenage daughters as her accountability partners to help her stick to that decision. Once she gets to the party, she doesn't have anything to think about because she already made the decision. So she created that community for herself by telling other people. That's really powerful for Denel and it's powerful for her students too.
Obstacles will happen so predicting how we are going to deal with them when they come up is the best way to be successful with your goal. You can also ask yourself, “how dedicated am I to this goal right now?” and be honest with yourself and your expectations. Know that results will be different depending on the dedication you put into it.
Behavior change is not something that you can just check off and say you’re done. It's something that we're constantly working on overtime. Denel’s personal coaching tends to focus on what progress a person can make and try to take the focus off of the scale whenever possible. Even if the scale doesn't change, if your body composition changes, that's huge. Especially as we age. After the age of 25, we lose half a pound of lean body mass every year. Think about the time you get to be 70 and 75 and 80.
Behaviors that will keep that from happening are strength training like cardio and eating less processed food, particularly sugar. These are going to help you feel better about yourself, be more energetic, have your clothes fit better, avoid cardiovascular disease and cancer, and all-around going to help your life feel better.
Focus on what this change will do for you. What type of activities would you like to do with your family? Write it down and put it somewhere where you see it multiple times a day. Close your eyes and visualize what that is going to look and feel like. That reward is so much better than the piece of cake from ShopRite or whatever people crave. Keep your eyes focused on that and it makes the other things a little easier.
People tend to get frustrated and quit but the secret sauce to the programs that Denel is working on right now is accountability on a day-to-day basis. When you are trying to change your behavior, you need support. People need constant support in the beginning to make such a big change. Then celebrate together when you reach those goals. Progress, not perfection, is the big takeaway for Denel.
January 2022 Lunch and Learn Event: Goal Setting
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On January 2022 Lunch and Learn Event Goal Setting, Relax Teams member, Karen Sammer shared her knowledge and expertise on sustainable weight loss and setting a goal.
By Karen Sammer
Karen Sammer is a certified nutritional consultant and holistic health coach. She works with women who are living with or at risk for developing heart disease or other chronic illnesses to prevent or even reverse their disease. She is also a social marketer for a line of superior health and wellness products.
Karen works with people to prioritize what's important in their lives and to help them develop the mindset to know that they are capable of doing anything that they put their mind to.
When clients come to Karen, oftentimes they have gotten some news from the doctor or they want to prevent getting news from the doctor that isn't good for them. She tries to find out from them what would be the consequence for them not taking action at this point if they keep doing what they're doing. Where are they going to be in three months, six months or in a year? What is that going to look like for them? When they know that they're headed down a path of self-destruction at some point it gives them an idea of what they want to avoid. Karen focuses on what is going to make them take action.
How Would You Address Setting Goals?
Karen uses a five-prong program that she developed. It includes working with your:
These components are really important for sustainable weight loss and success and bringing down climbing cholesterol numbers or climbing blood pressure or unstable blood sugar. Karen offers this program for you to help get those numbers in line so that you no longer have to worry about having to take medication. Once you've established these different changes in your life and you start to see improvement, you may actually be able to reduce or even completely stop taking the medication.
This is important, especially for women, because they tend to become busy taking care of other people and put themselves at the bottom of the list. It's important to put yourself at the top of the list because you can't pour from an empty cup.
10 years ago, she lost 135 pounds by giving up processed sugar, and that sets the stage for her success and in any area of weight loss. It’s by getting your health in order. Sugar causes inflammation in our body and it ends up being the basis of many diseases including cancer, heart disease, and many other things. When we can cool that inflammation in our body, that sets the stage for a very positive outcome. You gain control of what you eat a lot more easily than if you were to modify or to moderate or to just limit your sugar. You have to eliminate it from your diet if you really want to be successful. Food is manufactured to make you keep coming back for more. Otherwise, those companies wouldn't stay in business. That substance in there is very addictive. A lot of times the chemistry of the food is not compatible with a healthy body so it’s important to make sure that you're making the right choices.
When Karen coaches her clients, they take it a little bit at a time. She believes small incremental changes are often more sustainable than trying to ”eat the elephant”. You can't make wholesale changes in your entire life because it becomes too overwhelming. You want to make sure that you take these small steps towards the goals that you want. Making it manageable for the person by giving them small bite-sized goals that it is attainable.
When working with a six-month individual program with clients, they set three goals a week and meet once a week, then hold them accountable for those goals the following week. If goals are not met, they figure out why and switch them a little bit or maybe go a completely different direction. It’s all about the person's success and what is going to work for them.
What causes us to eat food is emotion, lifestyle, and stress is another issue.
When Karen was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer, she went through a miserable time being treated for that and that's when she decided that she had to do something to take hold of her health. She did some research and found out that processed sugar is cancer's best friend. So she took that out of her diet to minimize the risk of recurrence and that's what actually made the weight come off almost effortlessly. It was such a game-changer for her.
One of the things that Karen likes to do is to take the emotion out of the number on the scale. Because when people are emotionally connected to that number, they determine how they're going to feel about themselves based on that. She finds it very helpful because the number on the scale just becomes a number. That number going down means you're getting healthier but it isn't something that is going to make you a good person or a bad person. It's not going to make you successful or unsuccessful in your life. It is strictly your relationship to gravity.
That number on the scale is nothing other than how much that gravitational pull is working on your body. Unfortunately, that gravitational pull also works on your joints and your muscles so you do want that number to be lower. Karen is very successful in taking these approaches with her clients.
“One of the things that keep me going is the fact that I have to be an example to my clients. For my own health goals, I make sure that I walk my talk but as far as my business goes, I like keeping myself accountable. I do have accountability partners, in fact, Paul is one of them. I have accountability partners that I meet with on a regular basis and it really helps to keep me focused.”
You can get some feedback from your accountability partner and it may be an area where they have more experience than you do. They can help to redirect your focus or give you some ideas on how to tighten up what your process is. Having an accountability partner is a very good idea if your business is all over the map. When we're teaching someone else, we're also learning and we're holding ourselves to a standard that maybe we wouldn't if we didn't have the responsibility to the people that we're trying to bring along. We're a community.
“Human beings are pack animals. We all rely on each other, we're interrelated, we're all connected, we are one energy. We should utilize that connection in a positive way instead of being mean to each other. We should reunite and support each other.”
If we are more collaborative than we are competitive, we can raise consciousness and raise ourselves all up. So holding each other accountable to stay connected and to stay in a high position is really an important and very positive way to look at how we conduct ourselves. Community is everything. No man is an island. We all need to be here for each other.
Know Your "Why"
Identify what the person's reasoning was for setting the goal in the first place to bring them back to the WHY. The “why” is the most powerful thing. If you know why somebody wants to accomplish a particular goal, you can always bring them back to that. When you identify a goal that you want and then as you go on and that memory fades, bring yourself back to the “why”.
“I like what Denel was saying about just writing things down and having them posted visibly where you are in your space. Put your goal where it's prominent in your visual field so that you see it all the time.”
Why that goal is important is because it becomes more of a priority. If you have it prominently visible, you know exactly why it is that you set that goal in the first place, and will help to keep you more motivated.
Achieving these small goals is going to take you to the next goal. So filling your own cup before you try to fill other people's is really important. You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anybody else.
January 2022 Lunch and Learn Event: Goal Setting
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On January 2022 Lunch and Learn Event Goal Setting, Relax Teams member Chris Lipper shared his knowledge and expertise on how to maintain goals and why many people fail to do it.
By Chis Lipper
Chris Lipper is the Founder of On the Bus and he works primarily with founding business owners to help them reach greater success. Over the years, he coached hundreds of business owners in sales and marketing and has experienced creating brand identity and corporate image as well as product development and marketing worldwide.
Chris founded On The Bus Sales Training, Coaching & Consulting on new year's eve of 2010. He's now in his 12th year of coaching business owners and the way they do it is by the community. They create what he calls “buses” (they're virtual buses now) where they put up to eight owners on a bus once a month for a four-hour meeting. They share challenges, opportunities and get feedback and hold each other accountable for making a change by the next month's meeting and the results of these meetings are phenomenal.
46 of the business owners in the last six or seven years that came to Chris with the intent of wanting to sell their business have done that. They also get to do unique stuff because they don't just talk about stuff, they do things like sales training that are available for the community and for others that meet on the second and fourth Tuesday of the month from 10 am to 12 noon. They have their own networking group on Thursday mornings at 9:00 am and conduct quarterly virtual trade shows. His group used to have live trade shows twice a year but when the pandemic hit, they went virtual and they're even better. They had six of these events last year and they will do four this year.
They have the workbook called “On The Bus” sales training and twice a year they review it so they can plan for next year in December so they don't lose January. If they're gonna plan for next year they do it the month before.
Chris shared that everything starts with a vision. Whenever he sits down with a new client, they do a little meditation together and they go out to their exit. Depending on their age, Chris wants to know where they want to exit and what they want the business to look like then, so they can work backward.
How Would You Address Setting Goals?
For Chris, it’s important to have a SMART goal which means Strategic, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Trackable. The trackable part is important.
Every month prior to coming to their monthly meeting he'll sit down with them one to one and go over their “bus pass” meaning they look at behavioral goals. He explains that behavioral goals are something that’s in our control, in our power and it's an action that we can make time for or not depending on our motivation.
“Let's say you did $750,000 last year in revenue and you want to be at a million next year. The gap or the spread is $250,000. The first thing we want to know is what's your average ticket? How much is your average ticket? If it's $10,000 and we want $250,000 we need 25 orders. Now we look at your kill ratio. When you meet with a client how often do you close them? Is it 50% of the time? Is it one out of ten? When you know that number then we know how many quotes we need in the 12 months or per month. We can break it down to monthly so if we wanted 10 new clients in our 50 kill ratio, we need 20 quotes. What do we need to do to get 20 quotes? Is it networking? and do you have a networking goal?”
Chris’ networking goal whenever he goes to an event is to schedule two one-to-ones. And his goal with those one-to-ones is to ask for a referral and to paint a picture in a way where somebody knows what he does and ask them, “do you know anyone who could benefit from this?” With this process, he'll hit his number next year which is 13 new clients, that's his goal.
He mentioned that the key to this whole thing is accountability. He likes to have somebody to hold him accountable if he’s not doing enough or talk to him if he’s doing too much of one. It works best by community and that's how they do it at their bus meetings. When somebody says things are a little off and they don't have the opportunities they used to have, they can go back and look at three months ago and see that they weren't networking and that's why. So it's the behaviors, it's in our control and that's the important part for Chris.
Chris loves working with startups and new companies because according to him, the owners are more teachable and trainable. You see the results right away because they implement them right away. It's motivational and exciting for him as they follow along and go with the process. What ends up happening with a lot of entrepreneurs is good. They get happy being good but their sights of being great aren't there as much so it’s Chris’ job to remind them of the carrot or the end goal.
Chris’ Vegan Story
He also shared he went vegan five years ago after he watched a movie called “What the Health on Netflix. He learned that the government has us eating badly to fuel the pharmaceutical industry and he was on cholesterol medicine. He went vegan that day and it's among the top three decisions of his life. His cholesterol level was 258 and the doctor told him he has to go on meds but he refused and went on his vegan diet. He made a deal with the doctor to go get a CT scan of his heart and if the numbers come back good, he doesn't have to go on. A couple of Fridays later the doctor told him that the CT scan came back with a zero percent blockage. Going vegan paid off really well for Chris.
Paul: What happens when somebody has a goal and they think they want it because they know it's good for them, but they don't carry it out for whatever reason?
Chris: What I'll do is I always recap and sometimes it can be a matter of just reminding them of the goal and the priority. We have a system called RCIP where we Recap, we Confirm, we remind them of the Importance, and find out what kind of Priority this was for them then.
It's about making a lifestyle change. It's a new beginning and the new year is a great time to start that. It's a new way of living.
Be a better networker
Network with a goal
Set yourself up
Get coaching
Get training
Go to different events
Go visit the 20 people with a different spin
Get to know them instead of telling them about you
Always go for the referral, don't go for the sale they will refer themselves
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On January 2022 Lunch and Learn Event: Goal Setting, Relax Teams invited panelist Bertha Robinson shared her knowledge and expertise on Goal Setting and Goal Achievement.
Bertha Robinson is the founder of a global coaching consulting firm Star One Professional Services. Her passion for the last six years has been working with visionary business leaders who take an approach of prioritization and turn it into habits. She is also working with various leaders across the US, making sure that they are able to meet and exceed their goals.
At Star One Professional Services, they use a five-point approach to help businesses who need to shore up their structure, their strategy, their process, and procedures. They want to make sure that teams are being recognized. They do that because they believe that it's all about people, no matter how much we invest in technology, and talk about the future of technology and robotics. It's always been about the human being and the human relationship.
They look at assessments to see which ways they're communicating with one another, making sure that they are on the same page and that they recognize and honor the desired approach. They also look at acumen and understand EQ, knowing that emotional intelligence is something that they can harness and can continue to improve.
“That unique ability to connect with teams is an outstanding opportunity to have, outside customer loyalty.”
While leading Star One Professional Services as a global business coaching consulting firm. Bertha also has had a second hat since July of last year. She’s the President of the New Jersey Association of Women Business Owners. She loves working with women business owners who are looking at opportunities that are ahead of them through certifications. She believes that every woman business owner should be a member. But even if you're not a member, they support all women business owners in the state of New Jersey.
Close the gap between goal setting and goal achievement and make sure that those habits stick. We all want to do things but do we actually do the work? Part of Bertha’s process with clients and friends is making sure that they follow a goal planning sheet.
Everyone's familiar with SMART goals Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistically High, and Time-bound. Bertha adds to that criteria is WHY:
Making sure that our goals are Written is critical. We don't just say that they're in our heads and expect it to happen. It has to be something that we write. Having that connection between our brain to paper is really critical and important in the process of attainment and achievement. The second thing is that they are in alignment or that they're Harmonious. They have to be in alignment with the other things that are in our life. Whether it be our personal or our business. We are holistic beings, we can't set goals in our business that are contradictory to what we want to accomplish in our personal life. The letter Y represents Yours. They have to be your goals, you have to be passionate about them. They have to have a story that's going to pull you and push you to attain it.
The actual process of achievement in the goal planning process is that you identify that one goal and the goal has to be structured properly. The criterion is to help you make sure that it is a goal.
The first step is a brain dump. Write down everything that you want to accomplish. Your dreams, your ideas, and then you structure it with the WHY-SMART criterion. Once you have that, you take that one goal and you give it the time-bound piece. You have to make sure that you have a deadline and affirmation for it. Your affirmation should be written in the first person. They should be positive and it's something that's going to fuel you. Whether it is daily or not, it depends on when your goal is due. Whether it's every time you're about to achieve it, you need to work on it and look at that affirmation to fuel you.
The other piece of it is looking at the rewards and consequences. Ask yourself: What are the rewards for attaining this goal? For instance, if you achieve losing these 10 pounds in the X time frame, what does that give you? Are you going to feel better? Are you going to be able to have more energy to play with your children? Are you gonna be able to fit in those clothes that you've been wanting to fit in? Whatever the goal is for you, the reward is going to fuel you but then the other side is the consequences. Unfortunately, most people are actually fueled more by avoiding the consequence as opposed to achieving the reward. So you can also ask yourself: What are the consequences of not reaching the goal?
The next thing you want to write is your obstacles to achieving the goal. Sometimes it's losing that impetus, that fuel, the want to do it. Every January 1st everyone has the resolution but then a week later, sometimes even sooner, we lose the energy to make it happen. That's why we want to write out all our obstacles and then write out the solution to the obstacle. When the obstacle presents itself, you will already have your plan B.
In that line item for your obstacle and its solution then you also want to see, is there someone that you can delegate to? Do I need some help in making this step happen? Do I need to learn something? Is there something that I'm missing? That way you can have a really strong plan B for when that obstacle presents itself. That's why making sure in the WHY criterion that it's your goal, that it's harmonious, it has a story behind it, and then you'll fuel yourself to make it happen. Be consistent looking at it, writing it down, and you'll be able to achieve your goals.
Bertha also added that having an accountability partner, a circle or a group is great but make sure that you realize that the power is really within your hands and you hold yourself accountable. Visioning is really powerful too, have affirmations that help you and you're going to make it happen. Make it something that you love, write it down, have some activity behind it, and get a partner that can help you go along on the journey with you.
Start with dreaming big. Dream what's going to fuel you. We tend to grow up and forget about being the child inside and what it was that we wanted to do when we wanted to grow up. If there are certain things that you want to do and you feel that you have an obstacle and you can't achieve it or you can't get there, remember that there is no such thing as can't. You can, we can do this collaboratively so look for someone who can help you. Someone who's been there, who's done that, who can shape the path and can help you write down all your dreams. Then give those dreams some structure to them. Make sure that it's specific, measurable, attainable, realistically high, and it has some type of time-bound because if it doesn't have a deadline it's going to stay there.
Once you have that goal make it manageable, take those small bites. Make sure that when you do achieve those little ones that lead you to the longer-term goals or the mid-size range goals you take the time to celebrate that. The more you have those wins and celebrations the more you can convert this goal achievement process into a habit and you'll be achieving more and more. It will be a part of who you are and you'll be able to share it with others and bring others along the path to their success. So it's not about you just achieving in your business separately from achieving in your home or your personal life. It's holistic.
January 2022 Lunch and Learn Event: Goal Setting
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Jennifer is the President/CEO of Secretary Central, a professional Virtual Marketing Support firm based in New Jersey. She provided excellent executive assistance and customer service relations for over 20 years by working with small businesses in the Ad Speciality and PEO (Professional Employer Org) industries.
The virtual world is a booming business. The industry has exploded in the past year and a half. Executive secretaries in the c-suite are scared to get downsized so they're taking control of their future and jumping into the gig economy which is being an executive virtual assistant.
Years ago, a typical virtual assistant is somebody working overseas but if you need specific talent you had to go to recruiters or talk to friends and locals with years of influence in the community to find talent.
As Jennifer shared, she sold her organic dog biscuit company, people are handing over their business cards to create databases. One thing turned into another and she started working with people doing websites and supporting website designers and developers. So when she’s looking to build her own team, it's a lot of referrals. She wants to connect with the people that her connections know. She also puts something out on social media and if she gets inundated with connections and people that can't really articulate what it is that they exactly do, she steps back and goes back to her network and asks local connections, “who do you know who can help me resize images?” She has to be very specific about it.
“Five years ago the real estate virtual assistants were a huge industry and then I've seen that drop dramatically especially in the past year and a half. It seemed like everybody I know went out and got a real estate license so they weren't really needing real estate virtual assistants because it seemed that business didn't need as much support as it needed sales. Now, I see the real estate virtual assistant industry gearing up again and across the board. With my local network, I'm going to say that almost everybody can benefit from having virtual support and whether it's US-based or internationally based”.
Q: About the gig economy, do you think that there are some folks out there who are doing some things on the side during those business hours, is that something that they've heard of?
A: Yes and actually a request of mine has been if you're doing our client work and you have your personal computer, use your personal computer. Do not use your company computer for our work. There's no way that I can see it but they have to know that the company's gonna know logging in and logging off kind of stuff.
The morale of staying focused and staying connected with their company, while they're virtual, is what I see is one of the hardest things. On the other hand, corporations keeping in touch with their employees is one of the hardest things. For someone like me who has 1099's, having that same kind of brand identity and team feeling amongst everybody that's it's not easy to do virtually you have to be very very creative.
What’s the best way people can reach you?
Linkedin: Jennifer Wilner
Secretary Central
Website: https://www.secretarycentral.net/
Business Connects
Website: https://www.businessconnectsnj.com/
Phone: 732-433-2915
Kim is the Managing Director of Cobalt Compass Solutions. Cobalt Compass provides consulting and training services for the Staffing and Professional Services Industry. Training programs encompass the full life cycle of sales in staffing and teach the skills and strategies to create lasting customer relationships. With over 27 years in the staffing industry, Kim Henderson MBA, PMP, Six Sigma Lean certified, operated as a member of executive leadership at a global staffing firm.
Kim Henderson talks about some insights on retention. Right now, there's quite a bit of focus on attracting candidates which is important, but now that we have them, how do we keep them?
The Bureau of Labor Statistics announced in August 4.3 million people left their jobs. That's about 2.9 percent of the entire workforce
Korn Ferry actually did a study of 1100 professionals and they figured out why people are leaving and here’s what they came back with:
So how do we retain talent in this type of climate? Companies need to realize that what they were doing in the past doesn't necessarily apply today. They need to revisit all their assumptions and test each one of them one by one. Employers sometimes have this misguided sense that if someone leaves they can just easily replace them and that's a really expensive mentality to have. What are some of the things that we can do?
Here are some tips:
If a company doesn't have a defined roadmap for their employees to excel and receive promotions in the organization they should start to develop one. There are very few people that want to sit in the same job for 25 years doing the same thing over and over again. They want to structure in place to go ahead and get to the next level.
Ambiguous as it may seem but we've all worked for people that impacted our career, built loyalty, and that we wanted to follow. Then there were others that we just simply punched the clock, we got our job done and we moved on. We just didn't necessarily want to follow them. So any company that's not listening and talking to and asking their employees questions, that's going to be a problem because they're going to leave. Employees want to know that they're cared about and listened to.
If you're not approaching employees with that spirit and intention, you’re going to lose them.
Ask these questions:
People don't want to be stagnant with the same skill set they had 10 years ago. A good place to start with that is helping them with tuition or education assistance. These things cost money so corporations need to evaluate if it actually fits. But they could offer a stipend for tuition, not the whole thing. Offer a stipend for certifications and license renewals or enhanced degrees. Structure it where the risk is more minimized on the company. One condition is to give that money back if they were to go and leave in a certain amount of time.
Long ago, the defense industry implemented a 980 workday. Companies like Grumman and General Dynamics and their employees have every other Friday off and this has been met with wild success. While most companies couldn't go that far, offering some type of flexibility to start at end hours is something that gets employees excited.
While everyone wants a pay increase sometimes it's just not fiscally possible in an organization because that means they’re increasing their fixed cost. But bonuses are fluid, they're not a fixed cost. So offer it on a quarterly basis, an annual basis, or a spot basis.
If there's a mentor-mentee program, that can be incredibly helpful not only to the mentor making them feel part of the whole team but the mentee getting that care and feeding that they need especially if they're remote.
Q: Talking about the hybrid model and flex hours, do you think companies are going to offer employees to be in person and come on in and your desk space is still here? We see the real estate field portfolio shrinking because they don't need that space.
A: Kforce had a very large facility located off of downtown Tampa over 200,000 square feet and because they've gone to this permanent hybrid model, they downsized and sold that building and are going with 50,000 square feet. I know that Hays has actually done the same thing on minimizing their real estate footprint. Companies are making it more of a permanent type of thing where they're going and minimizing their real estate hangover, as I like to call it.
In terms of the candidates and the staffing companies that I work with, they all tell me the same thing. I was talking to a gentleman yesterday who does accounting and finance. He was saying “it's incredible every candidate I talk to is demanding a hybrid work model ” they don't want to have to go to the office five days a week and sit there for 50 hours. Every single candidate that's a professional and has a good background and is employable with talent and skills, they want that hybrid model”.
They're demanding it and won't actually take interviews with a company that won't offer the hybrid model. It will be sort of the new normal, the new future. It doesn't show signs of abating at all and companies are responding and reducing their real estate footprint.
What’s the best way people can reach you?
Linkedin: Kim Henderson
Cobalt Compass Solutions
Website: https://cobaltcompasssolutions.com/
Phone: 813-679-6649
Frankie is the Managing Partner of Fortis Consulting Group. Fortis was formed with the goal of providing their clients with the top talent in the industry while advancing the careers of the professionals they represent.
Frankie opens his talk with his observation that this economy is the craziest that it's ever been in the 25 years he’s been recruiting. They've had their booms in recruiting and thought it could never get better than this. But then sometimes it got so good so he ponders “this is not that great because the candidates have all the power and I’ve never seen so much power with the candidate right now because there are so many jobs and quite honestly in accounting and finance at least very few candidates out there or they're very hard to find”.
Which leads to the question: What do you do to find the talent?
Start With The End in Mind
Clearly define the responsibilities of a position and break them down. Ideally, break it down as a percentage of time that the candidate wants to know - what am I going to do? And even more specifically how much time am I going to spend in each area? Maybe there's something in that job description that they're really excited about and they want to know, is that going to be 25% of my time, or is that 3% of my time. It paints a good picture of what that position might look like and then be specific with the qualification of who you want to hire.
Pinpoint Who you're looking for
Determine what resources you are going to use for the recruiting process. Hiring managers need to understand that the best candidate is usually the person with their head down at their desk outperforming those around them. They're not responding to ads and they're not searching the internet for a new job. They're happy they're doing well and they're being rewarded and there's a retention plan in place.
Have Something Better To Offer
So how can you attract them? Frankie believes that the answer is: use a recruiting firm. Not because he is biased because he owns a recruiting firm (Fortis Consulting Group), but because every day, every week for 10 hours a day all they do is build their database and understand the talent that's in that marketplace. Compare that to companies who run an ad, get a snapshot at that very point in time of who's looking on the internet, who's doing something behind their employer's back versus Frankie’s 25 years of expertise and a database of 125,000 accounting professionals. Again the best way to find talent is using a recruiting firm.
Have an Employee Referral Program
Now that you basically recruit your own employees to become recruiters, get them to go out there and talk to people who might have their head down at their place of employment doing a great job.
Use Outreach through Social Media
People do go out to social media whether it be Linkedin or even Facebook, so take advantage of it.
If they accept the offer, be prepared for the new hire on their first day. First impressions have a major impact. Have their computer ready as well as their access cards. Have a welcome sign. People love to feel wanted. They want to feel part of the team and when you have that strong employee, create and maintain an environment that they do not want to leave. Finding top talent is super difficult so retaining those employees is critical to the success of an organization.
Q: When you’re going the extra mile and personalizing the interview with them, do you think that they're appreciating that extra step and realize that that's important?
A: I know that they realize it's important. Because you know when we take a job intake quality we won't just take the job description, we always want to talk to the hiring manager and say "let's break down this job as a percentage of time". It's better that way rather than saying you must have good interpersonal skills and you're dedicated and motivated and other stuff, it's not a job description. Instead, tell the candidate this is what you're going to do, this is what you absolutely must have and you've got to live with that because you might miss out on a candidate. Dig down and say “what this person is going to do? and what does it really take for them to do it?” and then you're going to find the right candidate. When hiring managers really know what they're talking about, and they can really explain this job in detail, it makes it more comfortable for both parties involved.
Every company is competing for a very scarce resource, top human capital and the best people available. So when you're out there and you identify that person, do everything you can to get them on board you have to move quickly.
What’s the best way people can reach you?
Linkedin: Frankie Francese
Fortis Consulting Group
Website: https://www.fortisllc.com/
Call (1-800-4-FORTIS)
Dennis Harabin is CPA obsessed with helping people to retain more of what they earn so that they can pursue their passions. Relax Tax takes a holistic approach to tax planning that makes them more of a Financial Architect than just a Tax Preparer.
Right now, Dennis is helping his niche which is small business owners to retain more of what they earn. There's so much software that does so much nowadays that’s really helping them take the whole approach. So when Dennis looks holistically out of business, one thing he notices that people complain about is: they can't hire talent.
Sharing his thoughts about this, he continues: I like to wake them up to the fact that Frankie just said, there's Fortune 100 that can't hire talent. There are so many people that you're competing against. If you’re a small business owner, no one even knows you exist. You're just a micro, you're a smudge on the campus and there's no way that you're going to be found against all these big companies.
Also, one of the things that you really want to look at is do you really need one person to do everything? Because usually in a small business they want one person who's going to do everything rather than breaking it down into smaller pieces, smaller functionalities. And so you're not as dependent when that one person leaves.
The thought of owning an employee is gone. We are getting to be where everyone's an expert at what they do. Break your tasks down to what's important. Do what you do best, work on your niche.
A lot of times people really have a nice lifestyle company business. They're looking to grow so focus on making each one of those customers more profitable, retain more of what you earn, become more profitable with the clients that you have, and enjoy what you do a little bit more. It all comes back to what Kim was saying: rethink what your thoughts were. You don't have one person that needs to do everything. You were blessed to have that years ago but you're probably not now so think outside the box, look at technology, look at different things.
You can break down a 40-hour week role or 40-hour job into smaller tasks. You can have someone who's really good at it versus someone who's trying multiple things. It may be five hours here, five hours there, seven hours there, and you actually save money in the long run.
If you have people respect them, keep them, give them a raise.
Yes, there was a pandemic. Yes, Covid hit, but frankly, we need to get over it. The world has changed, and we need to change the way we think about hiring and retaining talent. You need to get the work done. What worked before may not always work, especially this time. You've got to figure out what works for you. If you are small, be nimble. You have the advantage. It's going to take a long time for big companies to get it and to be able to make changes. Your only advantage is that you are nimble and you can make changes to make them.
What’s the best way people can reach you?
Linkedin: Dennis Harabin
Relax Tax
Website: https://relaxtax.com/
Relax Teams
Website: https://relaxteams.com/
Phone: 551-249-1040
Recommended Readings:
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Dennis Harabin is a CPA obsessed with helping people to retain more of what they earn so that they can pursue their passions. He takes a holistic approach to tax planning that makes him more of a Financial Architect than just a Tax Preparer.
Everyone knows there's a big disparity between what the students are looking for and what the opportunities are out there. Data shows that there’s a huge difference between the number of students versus the projects that students have, that they just don't want.
Considering these things, Relax Teams is announcing a major pivot. Relax Teams actually have their own non-profit called Project Scholarship that has been working on for the last couple of years. Project Scholarship was founded with the purpose of helping students to basically go from classroom to career with less debt. For the last couple of years, Relax Teams have been creating small projects that they've been putting out there.
Project Scholarship gives any student the chance to earn micro-scholarships by doing quick real-world projects for potential employers.
Our online marketplace is a Win for Students, a Win for Colleges and Universities, and a Win for companies. The way it works is that any company can "CrowdSource" a predefined project to CURRENT or POTENTIAL college students
Win for Students - The quick-hitting projects or tasks allow the students to practice real-world skills and build their resumes while in school. Most importantly, every dollar in scholarships is one less dollar that the student needs to borrow helping to alleviate our nation's Student Debt Crisis.
Project Scholarship is going to start creating its own type of apprenticeship program. They're focusing first on Grow with Google and some of the tools on Coursera. Mostly on Coursera courses that help businesses to actually start an apprentice program. The objective for them is to take someone, teach them what they want to learn, and then allow it to be a scholarship type of situation. Watch out for the details that will be coming out over the next couple of months.
Still, Relax Teams are going to retain their traditional Project Scholarship where you can do projects in exchange for the scholarship. The money goes straight to the college and educating them in college and university.
But they found out that the people who really want to do this aren't the people sitting in colleges and the people who can really benefit from them. The data shows that non-college students really want to have the chance to be able to give in these types of apprenticeships and re-educate themselves. So that's what Project Scholarship is going to do.
When Relax Teams scheduled this pivot six months ago, the intention was to talk more about where it's going. They weren't planning a pivot at first, but that pivot is going to go into place so that they’re head-on and fully prepared for 2022. This new apprenticeship program is expected to be exponentially more successful.
Go to projectscholarship.org and check it out.
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Kelly Green, is the Executive Director of a charity called Help Hope Live, an organization that supports community-based fundraising for people with unmet medical expenses and related costs due to cell and organ transplants or catastrophic injuries and illnesses.
As healthy adults or children, we're always making a choice. We're always thinking, “can I afford to go to the doctor today? can I afford to be in the forefront of my health?” It's a choice we always have but for the people that the organization serves, there is no choice. They have to seek medical care and in this case, insurance doesn't always cover everything.
It doesn't cover somebody who has a spinal cord injury for a ramp to get back in or out of their house. It doesn't cover anything but maybe a manual wheelchair when you need an electric wheelchair or when you need a transplant. Oftentimes we need to secure tens and thousands of dollars and show that you have these available funds in order to be listed.
In the last 40 years, Help Hope Live has provided access to funds so that people can get the quality care that they need during a period of time where they are forced essentially to become a fundraiser at a time of great crisis.
The organization has grown in the last 40 years to not only cover transplants but to cover catastrophic injury and catastrophic illnesses, cancer, ALS, and a variety of muscular dystrophy as well. It's just important to recognize that people who are facing a crisis also face a financial crisis.
Crowdfunding is the new buzzword and it's solving a very old problem. Help Hope Live helps people one-to-one to fundraise for their needs. They bring together a community of support with them and for them so that they have access to the financial needs to get through their medical crisis. They provide a website for them, the tools necessary for them, and they define a community that supports them.
One of the main things that they do is provide people with a mechanism that allows them to do this in a way that protects a donor. The donor knows that the dollars that they are giving go directly to the medical needs of that person. They are protected, not only that but it's tax-deductible.
When you use crowdfunding mechanisms like a GoFundme, oftentimes they drop into a bank account and that becomes your asset. Asset-based fundraising oftentimes can eliminate and jeopardize your ability to qualify for any kind of government assistance. However, the organization manages those funds and they pay those bills directly. The donor knows that those funds are being used properly and the individual knows that they are protected and their bills will be paid.
They also offer their 501c3 so the people that are fundraising can get matching gifts from their donors, and can also qualify for foundation gifts or charitable giving, corporate giving, foundation giving. They provide them with a safe and trusting mechanism to raise the funds that they need during their period of crisis.
See the first part of the Lunch and Learn Event here: Characteristics of a Healthy Business
Q: What is the best way that the people can help you and your organization?
A: Covid has given us this weird opportunity to live in isolation just like our clients do every day. However, our patients and our clients depend on in-person events oftentimes to raise funds for their needs. We have had to shut down over 130 events across the country in the face of what has happened and our patients still have desperate needs so any donation and support is welcome.
We've been purchasing durable equipment and vans for people with spinal cord injuries or without an immune system when you're in need of a transplant can't be around other people so they need to have a van for transportation. They need to have access to home health care and without fundraising, they're unable to make those needs so any dollar counts, every gift counts. Support our fundraisers and support our efforts. You can go on our website and pick a campaign to support the organization in general.
Q: How do patients qualify?
A: We verify that everyone who comes and gets accepted into our program has a verified medical condition. We work with all the medical professionals across the country and we do have grants to offer.
Q: How do you choose who to help?
A: We are meeting some of those needs the clients can't raise funds for through grants but we accept everybody in the program as long as it's an agreement of mutual responsibility. They agree to fundraise while we agree to help them to identify a community of support and we will work with them to build them a website, tell their story attached to the local news media and we can accept anybody who is ready to seek help. We've raised over 158 million dollars over our 40 years.
See our Featured Charity for October 2021: Help Hope Live: A Unique Nonprofit Helping With Medical Costs
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On October 2021 Lunch and Learn Event “Wellness and Women: Insights on Maintaining a Healthy Lifestyle and Insights from Women Business Owners, Desirae Haluk, Bertha Robinson, and Vipin Singh shared their knowledge and expertise on how to keep you and your business healthy.
See the first part of the Lunch and Learn Event here: Things you can do NOW to Lead a Healthy Lifestyle
By Bertha Robinson
Bertha Robinson is the newly elected president of the New Jersey Association of Women Business Owners and in support of all women business owners in the state of New Jersey and beyond. She is also the founder of a global coaching and consulting firm for small to mid-sized businesses for all making sure that they're clear on their strategy, communications, and having lasting success with customer loyalty.
“Pivoting” has been the buzzword among businesses nowadays. Business owners felt lost when face-to-face interactions with clients, vendors, and fellow business owners have been limited.
In thinking of having a healthy business, the first thing to do is have a plan. Having a plan as to assessing where you are and where you want to go is critical. How do I make that pivot and shift? What is the strategy and where do I want to go? Be clear on where you are now and what you want to do. Have an idea of what is a clear goal structure.
“That's one of the things that we do. We make sure that you have a clear plan whether you are new in business or growing your business or trying to figure out “what do I do now?” because what you were offering then, you can’t offer any more.”
Many people know about the S.M.A.R.T. goals.
S-pecific M-easurable A-ttainable R-ealistically High T-imebound
Bertha adds 3 more letters and calls it W.H.Y. S.M.A.R.T goals.
W for written
They have to be written. We’re doing so much in our day-to-day that we have to have a written plan. Take everything that we have in our head and put it down on paper so you can visually see it and attack it. Maybe it's not something that you'll do now, so just put the time frame and attack it second whenever that time comes around. The most important part is to write down your goals.
H for harmony
Your goals have to be in alignment with everything else that's going on in your life. You are an individual and you have a personal life and a business life. Business owners are ripping and running a lot of times trying to focus on what to do next, how to serve their team, what their competitors are doing. You need to stop for a moment and ask yourself what is it that you really want to do, what is it that's most critical and most important. Is your goals in alignment with where you're going and what you want to do and what's in your life?
Y for yours
They have to be YOUR goals and that's what fuels the joy. That's what fuels the passion and that's where you connect.
“If I was to say one thing that we do well is working with clients and making sure that their goals are clear and that they have a plan of action.”
Pro Tip: Write out what your obstacles could be. Write out all your possible obstacles and the things that can happen in the future and work out the solution so that when it does present itself, you have a plan B or a plan C.
Have a plan, write it down, and don't be afraid like when we were younger, dream big. Dream and then solidify the dream with some structure and make it a goal. Once you write it down and it's in your universe and in your atmosphere, you'll be able to hit your target.
Also, think about collaboration. There are others that have been there done that before you. There are so many resources that are available to us as business owners that we can avail. When you're networking, don't always just look at the other individual as a potential prospect or client but who's behind them, what's their network, who do they know, and what do they know. Intentionally ask questions that can help you and then always turn around and ask how you can help them because you may have the answer for that other individual.
Make sure that you use those resources and I would say that that's one segue into my plug and my share which is NJAWBO, the New Jersey Association of Women Business Owners where we believe in relationships, referral, and revenue. It's a group of women business owners and men business owners that we have as members that are looking to support one another, grow our businesses together, and really point you in those directions that you may need.
The way that you can reach me in my business is by going to www.staroneprofessional.com
Desirae Haluk is the owner of Clairant Services which is a marketing agency for startups and small businesses. Their target audience include startups and small businesses usually under 10 million in revenue. They do both B2B and B2C regardless of the industry. They teach their clients that they don't have to boil the ocean or have these large million-dollar marketing budgets in order to have an effective and strategic growth plan.
A lot of business owners whether they're women or men-owned businesses can afford to have full-time marketing leadership on their staff. Every company needs marketing as much as a lot of people don't understand that they do. Every company needs to market themselves and they need to understand their brand.
Hiring a fractional CMO gives the opportunity for companies to be able to afford that leadership and it takes the onus off of the owners of the companies or the CEOs. A lot of times even as women or men business owners we try to put a lot on our shoulders. We try to always spread ourselves then we're trying to do everything.
Delegate what you can. Think about the value of what you do and your expertise inside your own brain and what you're capable of and what you love to do. Take all of those things and delegate the things that you don't enjoy or you're not as good at. It doesn't mean you can't offer those services or those products but it is important to delegate those tasks.
“I have a lot of business owner friends who realize that after decades of being in business but I’ve learned that from my leaders in my previous life where I didn't own my own business. I learned that you just have to delegate and that also allows you to be scalable.”
A lot of people sort of plateau in their business because they have 60 hours a week to put if they want to live. The forty-hour workweek is healthy but again to help you grow your business and scale at the same time and still maintain that healthy lifestyle, you need to delegate.
A lot of men and women (most probably more women) have fear of success. As a business owner, you also have bills and family to consider, yet every month you have a different revenue coming in that is not consistent. Create a safety net for yourself and know that there's always an option B. Don't have the fear of succeeding.
“I have a fractional CFO out in California. I’m in New Jersey and he's like “Desirae your goal should be able to hit x amount of revenue this year and I'm like whoa no no no no I don't want to kill myself here and it turns out I’m in Q3 and I'm already hitting that goal that I told him not to set. And I didn't kill myself over it.”
The point is, just rid yourself of fear, delegate, and believe because if a man can do it, women can do it too. Be driven and move forward. Remember that we all bring something different to the table.
Don't kill yourself as a business owner. You don't have to be up all night and up all day. You can have a well-balanced life. You can own a business and still be there for your family and you can be successful at it.
Also, appreciate your employees and treat them like it and let them know that they're doing a good job and if you need to criticize them give them constructive criticism. Say it with kindness in your voice or in your messages rather than beating down on them. Send them a little bit of appreciation. It goes a long way and it doesn't have to cost a lot, they're just little pats on the back that keep people feeling motivated.
My website is www.clairantservices.com
By Vipin Singh
Vipin Singh represents a company called Murphy Business Sales. They help with buying and selling of businesses, business valuations, and machinery and equipment appraisal. If anyone is looking to start an entrepreneurial journey by buying a business or a franchise or if someone is looking to retire and exit their business, they can help.
A lot of us including men and women think of starting a business and not as much or as often we are thinking of buying a business. Part of it is to do with the risk that we feel that we are exposing ourselves to when we are buying into a business because it seems like at the end of the day it's essentially cash flows that you're buying into. It is numbers that you don't know if you can rely upon.
However, not everyone out there who is trying to sell a business is looking to cheat or selling because it's not doing well. Most of them who are looking to exit have built their businesses over several years of their lives. They are now looking to retire and they would love it if someone was to take that business over and grow it. It's like their second child that they sometimes don't want to sell to someone who's coming with a purely financial incentive in mind. They want someone who will take care of that business, grow that business, take care of their employees.
They don't want their employees to lose their jobs or have a bad experience. They in fact would set something in the agreement where the existing employees get a share of the sale price so the employees get a huge bonus when the business sells and they still stay.
“We structure it so it's like a retention bonus type of a structure. So a lot of ways we can reduce some of those risks that people think are there when you're looking at buying a business.”
Keep your financials clean. If you own a business and you're looking to sell, one thing obviously you could do is grow your business, grow your revenue, cut your expenses. There are various ways to do all of those things but a very important thing that all business owners including men and women should keep in mind is that - when you're selling a business, you're looking at typically your last three years of financials. You're presenting your tax returns and sometimes business owners end up mixing their personal expenses with their business expenses.
A few business owners might think that's helping them with their taxes but no. Especially when it comes the time to sell your business and there is too much mixing of business and personal expenses that can cause a big problem. Banks would not like to see those kinds of tax returns or financials.
A buyer would be really concerned if the numbers that he or she is looking at are reliable. We can add back some of the personal expenses to the extent they are reasonable and come up with pro forma earnings but it's not always easy.
“Our recommendation to existing business owners is always to focus on keeping your financials clean. There are various systems out there these days that can help you do that. Quickbooks is one of them. You might be saving on taxes by mixing your personal expenses but when you sell a business, you're looking at two to three times multiple of your earnings. So if you think of saving 20 dollars on a hundred dollar expense at the same time, that same hundred dollars if you are not mixing a personal expense you could get three hundred dollars. So it's a 20 versus 300 dollars a differential. It is a huge differential that one should keep in mind.
Talk to your advisors, talk to your CPAs, talk to your business intermediaries. Sometimes attorneys also have a view into how a deal should be structured. Preparation is key.”
One thing I would want people to remember is when you're considering a startup versus buying a business, think of buying a business as a viable alternative. In our view, it's a lower-risk way of buying into existing cash flows. With startups, you are looking at building cash flows from scratch which happens sometimes but a lot of times it does not. So look at buying a business as a viable alternative.
Contact Vipin here www.murphybusiness.com/edison
People lose sight of the fact that they are trimming and saving on a little bit of taxes and then they retire and realize they have no social security because they've been chopping out of their self-employment taxes. The nickels and dimes they've been saving come back to haunt them. So always look at all those things from the beginning.
You need a plan if you're planning on selling. You got to start looking three years in advance to really look at what you're doing. You want to be in control when you're selling. You don't want to sell as a fire sale. You always want to be able to sell and let it be your choice as opposed to it being someone else's choice.
See our featured charity for October 2021 Lunch and Learn Event: Help Hope Live: A Unique Nonprofit Helping With Medical Costs
Recommended Readings:
See the first part of the Lunch and Learn Event here: Help Hope Live: A Unique Nonprofit Helping With Medical Costs
Rachele DeCrescenzo is a physical therapist practicing the John Barnes Myofascial Release. She’s been a PT for 17 years now, and in the last four to five years, she focused on studying, schooling, and practicing on Myofascial Release.
Rachele shares how one person’s condition can improve by leading a healthy lifestyle, listening to your body, and with the help of Myofascial release.
A lot of people say “I have shoulder pain, I have back pain, I have knee pain, and foot pain" but that's never just the issue. It goes so much deeper than that for almost everybody, especially if it's a chronic issue. Looking at the whole person: body, mind, and spirit, there's so much that goes into a healthy lifestyle.
It is important to lead a healthy lifestyle. Many of our diseases are preventable by:
Most people have heard that we have a muscular system, skeletal system, and circulatory system. But we also have a system in our body called the fascial system. It's a three-dimensional connective tissue web that runs continuously from head to toe in our bodies. When you think of all the other systems, our skeletal system, our muscular system, they are not in there floating around. In order for it to stay in place, the fascial system connects and holds it all together. Therefore, the fascial system is really one of the most important systems in the body because it has an effect on every other system and it extends all the way down to the cellular level.
See also: What is Myofascial Release? Does it work?
Imagine a Hoberman sphere is the fascial system and it's a web and glide system. It should glide and move freely as we move. When we raise our arms and turn our heads, the fascial system should move. And if we think of this ball as the web and then we can imagine that through that web is our blood vessels, our bones, our nerves, and all those other things kind of go in there, they should all move and glide together as we move.
However, when there's a restriction in that fascial web, the whole system does not glide as freely as it should. So when someone has shoulder pain, and they only look at the shoulder, they could very well be missing where the restrictions are in other places in their body.
Also see: What is Myofascial Release? Does it work?
You can do Myofascial work on yourself at home. Any stretch can turn into a Myofascial stretch. If we just stretch our neck, our neck feels tight. Pull and stretch your neck over and holding it for 30 seconds or even a minute doesn't do very much. Gently let your head drop. Close your eyes and feel into your own body. Now as that restriction or the tension starts to release, your head might drop more to the side. It might feel like it needs to rotate a little to pull into whatever restrictions you have.
You can turn any stretch into a Myofascial stretch just by holding it a little bit longer, ideally for at least three to five minutes. Feel out your body what feels tight, be a little bit more mindful with them. When you're pulling your arm across, pull it across, then feel that stretch in the back of your shoulder and feel into it a little bit more, hold it and give your body time to respond.
By listening to your body a little bit more, being a little bit more mindful thinking in, and quieting your mind to see what your body needs, really can open up your fascial system. And if it can glide better and move better. Since it affects everything else your overall health can really improve.
Karen Sammer is a certified nutrition and health coach. She works with women who live with or are at risk for developing chronic illnesses like heart disease, diabetes, obesity, cancer, or anything that can be managed through lifestyle and nutrition.
Karen shares more about her journey on how she went from being critically ill to becoming a Woman Heart Champion community educator and creating awareness on how chronic conditions are preventable.
“October is breast cancer awareness month and I am a breast cancer survivor. Twelve years ago I was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer and my life was not in a good way, I was on a downward spiral to no place good. What I wanted to do after having gone through the pretty grueling treatment for a year of treatment. I decided that I wanted to do something to remediate any possibility or any probability of recurrence.
So I lost 135 pounds and I really got my life in order. I started to change things in my lifestyle and in my eating patterns and that really got me started on this path. Then in 2017, I had a heart attack that was unrelated to heart disease as we would particularly know. I had this anomaly in my body that caused it to happen. My cardiologist thought that I would be a good candidate to become a Woman Heart Champion. She sent me to the Mayo clinic to be trained to be a Woman Heart Champion community educator. Now I go out and I talk about women in heart health and that is the area that I focus on now: preventable chronic conditions in women's bodies.
It is important to maintain a lifestyle and a nutritional program that supports a good healthy body, mind, and spirit. Like Rachele was talking about, you need to treat the whole person. Allopathic medicine, western medicine, as good as and effective as it is, typically is a symptom-based treatment protocol. If you go to an orthopedic doctor and tell them you have shoulder pain, they're going to focus on your shoulder pain. They're going to do things to alleviate that shoulder pain but like Rachele was talking about, that shoulder pain may be related to your other hip or something or your foot or something unrelated to that particular shoulder.
5 Different areas to focus on to have a healthy lifestyle:
Mindset
If we don't get our mindset in order, we're going to continue on that roller coaster all the time. You're gonna do well for a while then something's gonna happen to derail you and you're gonna go off the reels. Get your mindset rock solid about your health and your well-being to maintain it in the long term. When things are not going well or when there's stress, you keep your eye on the prize.
Lifestyle
Lifestyle includes stress management, exercise, sleep hygiene, and a good quality restorative sleep every single night. One night of sleep deprivation can have a significant negative impact on your health. A couple of hours short of sleep could have an impact on your mental health, your physical health, and your dietary choice. Your hunger hormones get all worked out because if you don't get enough sleep you don't know if you're full. You don't know if you're hungry. You want sweets, refined carbohydrates that are going to give you quick energy but they're also going to have a negative impact.
Emotional health
Emotional health is not to be understated when your body has gone through significant changes. Losing too much weight because of an illness will have a significant impact on your emotional health. You can feel much smaller in the world and have much less significance.
Self-Care
As women, we are typically not good self-care providers. We are caregivers to everyone else, our spouse or partner, and young people. We always give to other people and don't save enough for ourselves. You can't pour from an empty cup. If you don't replenish your own reserves, then eventually you're just going to burn out and you're not going to be good for yourself or anyone else. Put yourself at the top of that priority list. It sounds selfish but it is actually the most selfless thing that you can do because you are providing the resources to give to other people.
Nutrition
It's very important but it is not the only important aspect of maintaining a healthy lifestyle. We get a lot of conflicting information about what is good versus bad in food choices. It's really about making choices that are going to best serve your body and provide the information to your body that it needs to perform optimally.
Over the long term, the consequences of our food choices end up being heart disease or high cholesterol or high blood pressure or diabetes, or cancer. All these conditions have been exacerbated by the choices that we've been making over these many years in fast food and refined carbohydrates in food-like substances that our bodies don't know what to do with.
They’re not really food, they're chemical replicas of natural food. Our bodies were not designed for that. It's the ramifications of eating these chemically laden, preservative-full, boxed foods that looks like a toxin in our body and it is stored in our adipose tissue or our fat cells. Not only that it holds those toxins in our body, but then it doesn't allow those cells to release and shrink. This is what really happens when you lose weight. Those fat cells shrink, they never go away.
See our Featured Charity for October 2021: Help Hope Live: A Unique Nonprofit Helping With Medical Costs
Recommended Readings:
On September 2021 Lunch and Learn Event “Impacts of Aging”, members of Team Central Jersey Lisa Dvorin, Rachele DeCrescenzo, and George Pizzo shared their knowledge and expertise on how to make the most out of our lives as we age.
See the first part of the Lunch and Learn Event here: Surefire Ways to Protect Personal Identity And Business Data
Lisa Dvorin is a lifestyle consultant who is devoted to helping others regain their basic health and wellness.
“Aging gracefully is more about being happy and healthy than keeping your wrinkles at bay.”
Lisa Dvorin adheres to a healthy living plan that has transformed her from an overweight person to a happier and healthier adult.
Did you know that the United States spends more than 70 billion on diets?
The unfortunate fact is that diets do not work in the long run. Additionally, a 2013 Georgetown University study found that people in the United States consume an increasing amount of prescription medications as they age. This terrifying fact that the majority of older folks are facing can be prevented if people realize how a healthy lifestyle benefits their bodies.
Lisa shared on her website stayhealthylivebetter.com a healthy living plan that anyone could follow. This plan includes education on lifestyle and a selection of healthy items such as green powder drinks and immune boosters.
Rachele DeCrescenzo has worked as a physical therapist for nearly two decades, primarily with teenagers and elderly individuals. She is now focusing on myofascial release, but the elderly population has stayed close to her heart.
“It’s never too late to start exercising.”
Aging is a natural process. Additionally, our cells, tissues, organs, muscles, and bones age. While we cannot prevent it, we can keep our bodies healthy by exercising.
As Rachele mentioned, persons 65 years and older should get 150 minutes of moderate-intensity exercise every week. It could be a brisk walk, climbing, and descending stairs, or playing tennis.
What should we develop by exercise?
Accidental falls of older persons can have detrimental effects including injury and, in extreme cases, death. To avoid this, it is critical to work on body balance. This can be done by alternately standing on one leg while brushing your teeth.
Good strengthening exercise does not have to be difficult. It's simple and maybe done at home. You can work in a chair then alternate between sitting and standing.
This is connected to our body's fascial system, which runs continuously from head to toe and connects essentially everything inside our body to the cellular level. Simple movements and stretching the body are very helpful.
If you're unsure how or where to begin, seeking Rachel's assistance is the best way to get your body moving.
George Pizzo is a Principal of Caring Transitions. A company that provides professional assistance in relocating and decluttering homes.
“Let us not wait until it’s too late.”
Organizations inside the house play an important role in ensuring the health and safety of older individuals. Create an environment that is both comfortable and safe to live in. George Pizzo's Caring Transitions can assist you in relocating and decluttering your home to meet your specific needs.
George shared that 1 in every 4 Americans over the age of 65 experiences fall accidents that resulted in injury. That is why decluttering and planning the home ultimately contributes significantly to reducing stress and worry in older adults.
Remember, aging doesn’t need to be full of worries and stress. By preparing and staying active today, we can remain productive and independent as we age.
On September 2021 Lunch and Learn Event “Insights on Safety and Security”, Team Central Jersey’s very own Jeannie Assante and Jonathan Katz talked about protecting personal identity and business data.
If you want to learn how to prevent identity theft and malicious malware attacks, continue reading.
Sometimes, we think that we don’t need something until something happens and all of a sudden we say, “I should have had that!”.
How many times has somebody told someone about how they lost their wallet? Or when people talk about how they cannot get their wallet back without getting their ID? How many times have you talked to someone and learned that they had money missing from their bank account?
When you are in that situation, you need to go to the bank to figure out who took the money, how to get the money back, or if you’re going to get the money back or not.
However, the bigger question is, when hackers are able to do it because they have your bank information, don’t you think they can do it again and again?
How about your actual identity, your name, who you are, the person that you are putting forward in your everyday world?
If someone takes your identity, how much would that cost you money-wise? Would it be more than 75 cents a day? Because if it is more than 75 cents a day, that is what it is going to cost to make sure that your identity is protected.
It is like having medical insurance where it does not mean you are never going to get sick but it means that you are covered in case you do get sick. It means that you are being taken care of on the back end.
With IDSeal identity theft protection you are not just protected, you are alerted on every little thing that goes on in your credit.
Do you know that children are the most susceptible for identity theft?
Thefts can take their identity and they can start using it for whatever they want to use it for. Thefts can build a life under that name. And when you decide that you want to start building a life for that child, you can't because somebody else decided they were going to use it and misuse it.
Alerts are a big thing for cyber security as well. You want to make sure that you're being notified of any threat detections. You want to make sure you're being notified of malicious malware or attacks. Alerting a business that there's a new scam out there or a new type of malicious activity that people are engaging in to try to hurt your business.
How are alerts important for business?
So you can act accordingly. The alerts are a big piece but part of what the main benefits of moving to the cloud are is to essentially reduce the need for those alerts.
Simplify Making Your Business Virtual
If you're exposing people's information or you're not protecting people's information that could come back and hurt you from legal aspects of your business you can be unprotected from a regulatory standpoint.
One big thing that people often overlook is the scalability of their data compliance and of their data security. As your business grows you get more data, more systems, more integrations, more workflows - all of those new pieces expose you to more risk.
Part of the benefits of moving to the cloud is that scalability is built in place from day one so you don't have to remember to upgrade certain servers or certain systems or have certain backup practices in place.
There can always be a problem that hits your plate, so not only do you want to be making sure that you're planning for detection ahead of time, but you also need to have a backup plan if something does go wrong.
Make sure you have redundancy in place so that your business does not shut down or you're not scrambling for a couple of weeks to try to get back to where you used to.
We've seen people that have accidentally deleted their servers or have deleted their databases. If you don't have a redundancy plan in place you are out of luck. You lose all of those leads, all of those banking records, they are all out the door.
You need to make sure that you have backup and people in place. People that are engaging in malicious activity don't necessarily work 9 to 5 so. Just because you're not in the office nine to five protecting your systems that doesn't mean someone's not out there in the world trying to take your data or trying to steal from you so you need to make sure that you're protected 24/7.
Planning ahead, planning in the middle and then planning for the future you need to make sure that you have all your bases covered.
My name is Jeannie Asante. I'm excited because I get to protect people's identity. Sometimes we forget that there are people out there trying to do what they're trying to do with our identity. I want to make sure that you can forget but not be vulnerable.
I work with companies to transform their business. I help businesses transition from on-premise sites or offline sites or manual workflows to the browser with a security first model. I help them to transform and automate their existing business with security and safety being our top priority.
See our Featured Charity for September 2021: Wear Your Red Bandana
This September 2021, let us relive his heroic acts that saved the lives of at least 12 people during the attacks on 9/11.
Twenty years ago, the nation experienced one of the most traumatic events that forever transformed the country. Today, as part of the Monthly Lunch and Learn Event, Relax Teams invited Mrs. Alison Crowther, the mother of Welles Remy Crowther also known as the Man in the Red Bandana.
On September 11, 2001, a domestic passenger flight was hijacked by Al-Qaeda terrorists and hit the South Tower of the World Trade Center.
Welles Remy Crowther was a 24-year-old Equities Trader and was a fully-trained volunteer firefighter. On that day, when the attacks began, Welles was working at his desk together with at least 200 people in the same building. Welles was one of the civilian heroes who helped people to evacuate.
In the South Tower, Welles made multiple trips from the 78th floor Sky Lobby to about the 61st floor guiding victims and carrying victims down. Welles continued to go back up despite the danger in order to help more people. He ran around putting small fires out, administering aid, and directing people to the stairwell towards safety.
Unfortunately, Welles was still inside when the building totally collapsed.
Today, Alison continues to travel around the country speaking to different schools and corporations.
Alison and her family established a charitable trust in her son's memory. The mission of the trust is to assist young people to become exemplary adults through education, recreation, health, and character development. These are the guiding principles that help them define organizations to support. They have set up a number of scholarships and identified key organizations to which they donate annually.
The best way to help is to visit the Boston College website as they organize a Red Bandana Run every year. It is the single largest fundraiser for their organization. Tickets to join are around twenty-five dollars for students and thirty dollars for adults.
They run the program for two weeks so people are able to sign up and join. Within this time period, all the money raised is donated to the Trust.
If you would like to participate, just visit www.bc.edu website and search Red Bandana Run. Registration is open and the kickoff is going to be on Saturday, October 23rd while the virtual run will be through November 4th.
One of the biggest factors in divorce is communication. There is an idea, a concept, or expectations that two individuals have of one another and unfortunately these are not communicated to one another. When we have two people who are engaging in a marriage or the dissolution of it without talking with one another as to what their hopes, needs, and wants are, it stems from a multitude of things. It could be expectations placed upon them by other family members, by the demographic they live in, or socioeconomic expectations.
What is important for you, what is important for your partner, where you need to go - all the decision-making with people in divorce has a significant effect.
Divorce is “good people in a bad place” most of the time and people need someone to hold them up afloat and help them get where they need to go. Depending on the situation, it can be a very traumatic event. If there is an individual or two individuals who are experiencing that, they need to process it. Also, people going through divorce are very fragile. They need support and they need to know that they are safe and they can go through it.
Mediators help people walk through why the relationship happened, and what happened that made it go wrong. The healthiest way is to help people move to the next level. Their goal is always ultimately the ending of the relationship but if they have children, their goal is also to maintain a different level of relationship. A relationship where they can work together with their kids, they can attend marriages, and birthdays, and be in the same room with each other without angst around them. Ultimately their goal is not just to end the financial and the superficial ties but to work through all of the other things that also need attention.
It's about understanding them as human beings, understanding that they have entered the marriage with the best of intentions, and understanding they don't have to end in acrimony.
It’s about making them understand that they can move on and they can recognize that “we are two healthy beings and it didn't work but now we can go on and do something different and we can be civil with each other”.
It is also very important to discuss the personal narrative or the justification for what's going on and why it's going on.
As much as possible, mediators will try to remove guilt, shame, and blame from the discussion with regard to separation. It is very natural for relationships to end and parties should not feel the additional emotional burden or social stigma that too often is placed in these situations.
Mediation and co-coaching services aim to keep the legalities as far away as possible from the conversation and really get to the heart of what the two individuals want.
Inevitably if they have children, they have to co-parent. A massive part of these services allows the parties to reframe one another in a new perspective and in a new light. Sessions are provided to give them the opportunity to define what that role looks like as the co-parent.
Naturally, parties feel very tense and very guarded and sometimes, one party is not willing to work things out in a civilized manner, then mediators will introduce caucusing.
Caucusing is a method where mediators work with the parties one-on-one.
If that still doesn't work, mediators will walk them through with what is the alternative. The alternative is they will go before a judicial officer and they will spend more money on attorney’s fees.
The thing is, once parties are able to express why they are still unloading the process, it's because they feel wronged. The simple act of active listening will make a difference because for many, they've never been heard either in the process of their divorce or for some in the process of their marriage and this is the first time they are getting an opportunity to present what's going on.
Mediators will discuss the pros and cons of working things out in mediation as opposed to going to court. They will run through the timeline, the numbers, the stress factors, and everything else.
In addition, sometimes the beginning of mediation is to determine if it is really a divorce a married couple needs or will counseling help and save the marriage. Before starting the divorce mediation, if they don't have lawyers, mediators will make sure that they know where they are.
We have our typical allopathic western medicine where when something hurts, you get surgery or a pill. Functional Medicine on the other hand is pulling the lens back on the particular person and examining the full breadth of their entire life story. It tries to get to the root cause of the symptoms that people are presenting.
When we continue to lay down ego and pride, allow the beautiful refining work of God, and when children are born from marriage, we have this grand opportunity to witness the sanctification process. Tragically, that is not the case for more than half of the people on the planet. The divorce rate is still high inside and outside the church community which is heartbreaking.
As we navigate into the modern-day culture, the current narrative is if it is hard, it is not worth doing. That is one of the most destructive messages that we could possibly communicate to our youth. If something is hard, you ought to pivot and do something else because it is inside the challenge and hardship that we are refined and shaped. We lose the selfish bits of ourselves and we become more selfless.
Learn More: Learn About Functional Health Coaching
When a client is agreeable, a functional medicine coach can integrate spirituality into the process. Marriage is considered to be the holiest relationship on the planet and inside that relationship is where we have the potential to be refined into the most beautiful version of ourselves.
Inside the family unit is ideally a training ground to be launched into society as a selfless person looking for grand opportunities to help others, to give your love, your talents, your gifts. When we are not raised in a home environment that trains children to go out into the world not with a self-focus but within others-focus, the society begins to unravel. People walk away from things that are hard.
Very often, people are under circumstances where divorce is the only option. However, the reason that they are in those circumstances is because the parents before them did not create that home environment that trained them to be well-contributing members of society.
Divorce is one of the top traumas that a person can experience most especially a child. When a child experiences a divorce whether amicable or not it still is a great trauma that informs their autonomic nervous system to be on high alert. Children perceive that they are unsafe and disease ensues if that trauma is not brought to a healthy conclusion.
This is how another person is launched into society from another broken home with a broken idea of what it is to be human. Men typically bring out their anger outward and perpetuate violence and abuse while women tend to turn their anger inward. With that, women can suffer horrific autoimmune diseases like fibromyalgia because anger has to go somewhere.
Society's ills have their roots in dysfunctional homes and dysfunctional homes have their roots in straying away from the precepts of God. He told us exactly how to live if we want to live with joy, purpose, and meaning but as we drift away from that one grand truth, we navigate a hostile and volatile world with a very limited toolbox. Unfortunately, it brings diseases of all kinds in the body, in relationships, and out into the world.
Functional Medicine coaches help to equip parents and help them understand that they alone have the potential to stop generational cursing and can hold back the tide of past generations that were broken. Parents can live a different way and can create a home that is different from their home when they were a child.
Tracy Spiaggia of Slingshot Health Coaching
Tracy is a functional nutrition and lifestyle practitioner and brain health specialist working with individuals and families struggling with myriad health issues. The focus she takes with all of her clients is the restoration of the relationships inside the family unit, understanding and appreciating that all health - individual, familial, relational, societal originates from home.
Derek is a certified mediator in family law and has done high-conflict mediation for over a decade. Currently, he teaches co-parenting classes in Boise, Idaho specifically for parents who are going through separation or custody proceedings with minor children. He helps them in learning how to improve their communication skills to weed out any kind of habits they may have picked up during their proceeding and to try to make the process as smooth as possible for both them and their children involved.
Janet has been a family mediator for many years and she did it with a partner Mark, a psychiatric social worker. Janet learned a lot from Mark about what goes on with people when they go through a divorce. She has been a full-time mediator both in civil and in family court. Janet has an aversion to divorce and conflict and from her perspective, she was able to help people as they go through it.
With Monica Connell
What you need to look for and strive for is to be in a healthy relationship.
Factors of a Healthy Relationship
Moreover, make sure that even though you will be considered a unit or a family, you still want to be able to respect each other's time apart and respect each other's individuality. You can be in a relationship but have your own life and have your own hobbies.
Finally, be aware that when things start to shift, the whole spectrum that goes along with that can go from healthy to unhealthy and to harmful and abusive.
A relationship with someone who is unhealthy or if the relationship itself is identified as unhealthy, there is poor communication instead of harmful communication or threats. It means not addressing problems, not listening to each other, and other behavior that is inconsiderate.
There is a lack of trust whereas an abusive relationship would have accusations and blame. An unhealthy relationship would just have a lack of trust or being in between.
In an unhealthy relationship, there could be dishonesty between one partner or both partners.
There is a struggle between who is making decisions and who is not and possibly a lack of individuality. Not being able to have your own friends, have hobbies, or the things that you enjoy, or have your own work-life is unhealthy.
Abusive relationships are always with one person who has a significant amount of power or control. Within an abusive relationship or a relationship with someone who is abusive, there would be harmful communication. Being aware of how to look for the red flags of an argument - screaming, threats, disrespect, accusations, blame is very important. Being mindful and aware that seeing things over and over and over again is a pattern and it will become a cycle.
Look for those patterns and identify if there is any isolation. If you're noticing that over time in the relationship you don't have the same friendships or you don't have the same relationships with your family anymore, that's something that you don't want to be in.
You need to be aware if forgiveness is one-sided because in a healthy relationship it would need to be both. It would need to be a shared quality. Make sure that when you're giving, you're also receiving.
On television and in movies, it's very typical that somebody is in an unhealthy relationship. They don't realize it until a good friend sees it and says “hey, that's not right!”
It can take a really long time to be able to see that you are being harmed. The biggest thing we hear is that people wish that they left the relationship sooner because they fought so hard. So if you know someone is having a tough time but they haven't talked about it, try to use open-ended questions to open the opportunity for them to share.
With Dennis Harabin
There are a lot of factors that come into play when it comes to marriage and handling finances.
People often prepare for just the wedding not realizing that the wedding is just for a night. A wedding is the start of a long-term marriage that you should prepare for and the preparation always depends on what situation you are in.
Is this your first time getting married? If you're getting married for a second time then there are more financial impacts. Are you currently receiving alimony, will that stop once you remarry? Will the child support continue?
See More: Understanding Tax Filing Status
Getting married has an impact on your tax filings as to which brackets you are going to fall in. There are ways that you can move the finances between your husband or your wife but the big thing to understand is - you need to be all in or not.
If you are all in, you become a team and you can leverage the power because the financial world is designed around you.
Yes, there are a lot of tools available should you still want to keep to yourselves as two separate individuals. However, a lot of the tax codes and insurance products are not built that way and that is how they end up crushing you and stopping you from thriving. Knowing how to use the tools and knowing where you are going is essential.
You need to ask yourself, do you really need that piece of paper or not? Because if you are going to keep yourselves as two separate financial entities, the world is not built that way.
See Related Article: Consequences of Married Filing Separately
When you get married, there can be a negative impact in terms of credit scores and even student debts. When someone who has a ton of student debt gets married, the certain payment plan they have goes away because even though it is not your husband's debt or your wife's debt, their salary impacts that.
All it takes is a little bit of planning ahead of time, a little bit of talking about it, and knowing how you're going into it. Too many people come into debt blindly and they don't know how they got into that situation.
When people get married, there is so much in the shower, different surprises. What a good gift for someone is to have them sit down and go through with their financial situation.
1 plus 1 doesn't need to equal 2, it could equal 6 if you do it right and leverage what you are with your marriage. On the other hand, 1 plus 1 could equal 1.25 if things happen not just from a financial standpoint but also from a planned perspective.
The key is 1 plus 1 rarely equals 2 when it comes to two people coming together financially, you want it to equal 6 and not 1.25 as it can impact the stability of a marriage down the road.
Like with the saying, from abundance, he took abundance, and still abundance remains. A little proper planning can really help you to have a better financial situation for the rest of your marriage, and the rest of your life.
With Pastor Dan Fenco
Pastor Dan Fenco is a pastor for Camino Fed Lutheran Church - a bilingual community in Bernardsville in Somerville. He has been a pastor for more than 10 years and has helped many couples understand what marriage is all about from God's perspective. He has been married for 16 years and has three children.
Marriage is not just the wedding day but the future and from God's perspective it is a future together for the rest of your life.
Often people say, “in my relationship I give 50 and the other person gives 50 and then we make up a hundred and that's good.” But that's not really how it works. We should come into the marriage with “I will give a hundred percent and you give your hundred percent” and that's how it is.
A lot of people ask what is the key to a happy and long marriage. The usual answer? Marrying the person that you love obviously. It helps to marry someone that makes you laugh, it helps to marry someone that you trust, it helps to marry someone that you care about.
However, the key to a long marriage is forgiveness, to forgive a lot.
The reality is that in marriage, we choose to live in the closest possible proximity to another human being. What you quickly discover is that this other human being regardless of how gorgeous, how funny, how smart, how amazing they are, most of the time this other person is profoundly imperfect, impeccably flawed, regularly selfish like a messed up mortal changing, and aging person all the time. So in order for your marriage to make it, you have to learn to forgive and to forgive a lot.
It is waking up every morning staring at your spouse through your sleepy eyes. And then as your feet hit the ground saying to yourself, I would love my spouse even if it comes at a great cause to myself.
However, there is a thin line between forgiving someone and abuse. We need to forgive a lot but we also need to understand that if there are behavior patterns, we need to seek help.
It is interesting that when the bible talks about love it doesn't talk about the butterfly feeling that you get on your stomach (which is good, nothing wrong with that) but when the bible talks about love, when God talks about love, it's about action, patience, and kindness. You need to be patient, you need to be kind, you need to be loving, you need to care, you need to protect. And so when God gives us a lot of things to do, it also gives us a way to help us achieve love, that's where Jesus comes in.
Marriage is work a lot of work. A couple of years ago, Ben Affleck was in an awards show and he thanked his then-wife by saying that the essence of their marriage is work. People then got upset on the internet. However, he didn't mean labor work and what he said is true, marriage does take a lot of work.
It does take work to forgive, it does take work to be patient. It does take work to find an accountant to do your taxes. The same thing with marriage, it does take work on yourself to understand that there are some things that you need to work on your relationship not only with your partner but also with your children.
Marriage is work and it's a healthy work that we need to do. It does take work to put ourselves in there, to forgive, to be patient, to love one another, to really care, to protect, and do all those things. And God is always with us along the way helping us.